Ok, so I just read the most touching and amusing story I've read about the holiday season in many years.
It brought a twinkle to my eye and a chuckle to my belly.
I'd love to make a film short of this. A docudrama, if you will.
this is so beautiful
Ok,
So I've got to say it, I'm sick of all this Xmess crap. I am a scrooge, a grinch and really bored with all the hype. I know many companies make all their money for the rest of the year in a few weeks or months from all this. Whatever.
I don't have the tradition instilled in me to get all blubbery when I see stupid nativity scenes, I don't start saliviting when I hear sleigh bells and I think the best thing ever made about Xmess was the "Nightmare Before..."
I'm bothered by the guilt associated with buying gifts for people, even relatives that you don't even like that much; I guess it's quite a fitting behavior for good little Christians though.
I like winter, and I even like the idea that you should be kind and giving to your fellow man, but that should be all the time, not just once a year, on a fake birthdate of some over-publicized dude who may or may not have walked around in the fertile crescent many many years ago.
As for most of the traditions that are perpetuated during the holiday season, most of them are much older than this whole "Christmas" thing, and that whole conversation is so trite I'm not even going to go into it. But if you want to read more, go Yule up your butt
So enough with my rant, below are some activities, info and just stuff for people who may or may not share my sentiments
*Holly Jolly My Ass*
"Have a holly jolly Christmas" my ass. The best time of the year?
I don't don't know if I'll survive all of this bloody "cheer".
"Have a holly jolly Christmas" songs like this fill me with fear.
And if this season is the best it gets, just shoot me dead right here.
"Have a holly jolly Christmas"....what is it to have a "holly" something? It sounds rather queer.
"Have a holly jolly Christmas" I took out my Walmart gun, and drank another beer
"Have a holly jolly Christmas", I went across the street, and shot my neighbor's plastic raindeer.
"Have a holly jolly Christmas", plays as I sit here in my cell.
The guard tells me to can it as I hollar "Christmastime can go to hell"
if you want to read more anti-Xmess songs and find fun activities, go here
I wanted to share a few things I found this week that amused or interested or just scared me.
In honor of my birthday which was surely an amusing but scary day, 28 years ago:
Scary
Read about him here
Tis the Season
So this post is not only about how awesome December 15th is because it's my birthday, but also because I am finally putting a new post up AND I have finally figured out the whole fucking layout finally!
Have some cake!
I find this amusing because if I had been born a boy my parents WERE going to name me DALLAS!
(Refresh if picture doesn't show.)
Dallas Winston: Dally is the toughest one in the
greaser gang and never likes to follow the law.
He is 17 years old, hates most people, is cold
and bitter, and doesn't like to be told what to
do.
Which Outsiders Character Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
So, Tom just informed me that he won the red stapler award at work. They actually gave him a red swingline stapler!!
I think that a certificate to starbucks would have been nicer, or a trip to Ireland, or something.
I'm not sure if this is a good thing, actually. Wasn't Milton the one that got moved to the basement and burned the place down?
Ok, so, this article proves that I'm doing good. Sadly I'm not sure if I can be classified as a moderate drinker. Most days it's just one or two drinks, some days none, somedays one or two bottles of wine, so either way it balances out, and I'm healthier!
Ha!
Link text goes here
Other Link
I still can't figure out the stupid link option.
Whatever.
You are Janice.You dig the groove man, nothing can bum you out.
Too bad you're too stoned to notice.
INSTRUMENT:Like, you know, guitar, fer sure.LAST BOOK READ:"Finding Your Past Lives on the Web"
FAVORITE EXPRESSION:"Fer sure, like, fer sure."
FAVORITE THINGS:Peace, love and, like, granola, totally.
NEVER LEAVES HOME WITHOUT:Her inner child.
What Muppet are you?
brought to you by
So,
I just got back from Chicago. I went up there to spend a few days with Dilaram and to go to see Sinead O'Connor.
I had heard before hand that her new album is completely Reggae, so I went somewhat prepared.
The whole day was kind of tepid. I was really looking forward to going to the Art Institute. I got up early and walked over, as I walked just 8 blocks it got increasingly colder and windier. I had to stop and buy gloves and a hat which helped. I enjoyed the art museum, it's so wonderful there. I am always amazed at the paintings you find as you turn corners. Originals, that you see in text books and art books and to see the real thing is pretty amazing. After having lunch with Dil I went back to the hotel since it was downright frigid at that point. I proceeded to have a few vodka tonics and went back to the room and passed out until Dil got off work. We had to rush to get ready and catch the El(elevated transit in Chicago). When we got to the venue we still had about 40 minutes. As we were walking up to the theatre it looked odd because there were no people and the lights were off. There was a sign on the door that they had moved the concert to some other theatre. As we were starting to walk back to the El, two guys who also were there for the show asked us if we knew where the other place was, they offered to give us a ride. They were the cutest latino couple, and offered us fresh coconut. We got lost for about 30 minutes and barely made it to the concert. Only to find that the reggae band was playing for about 45 minutes before Sinead even came on stage.
I can't even really say what I thought of the concert. On one hand, it wasn't BAD really, but she didn't play one single old song, and for the most part she'd just sing bits here and there since the band spent a lot of time jamming out. The best parts were when she would sing with an acoustic guitar and this freaky dancer girl was on stage singing with her. Overall, it was a slight disappointment, I guess. Even though I've listened to some of it online, the new album, and I like it actually, I just didn't enjoy the concert as much as in the past when I saw her. And just added to a somewhat tepid day.
So, we stayed out late drinking and now I'm going to bed really early.
So, My sweet lover told a bunch of people about our plans so I guess I may as well break the ice and let it be told.
Tom and I decided that we wanted our marriage to be really special. We never wanted anything traditional anyway. After a few months of talking about planning our wedding every weekend to no avail we started to discuss the possibility of going to Iceland for our honeymoon.
And as this idea progressed we started thinking that just getting married and having that be our whole ceremony, the idea grew on us. We both sighed with relief and now it just seems like the right thing to do.
We weren't going to tell anyone, at least not right now.
But SOMEONE had dinner with SOME people and spilled the beans. SO, I'm just going to let it air out before I tell my parents.
I can't seem to get the picture layout thing either.
So, here's a very simple representation of my inspiration. I won't even go into the dream I had over two years ago about me and Tom and glaciers.
Yeah, I know, it's called elopement.
I look at myself
or who I think I am
and I find a jigsaw puzzle, and none of the pieces are of the same picture.
I remember who I was as a child,
I can still feel the embarassment of adolescence.
Sometimes I still miss being a young adult.
But what am I now?
I
realize
that this sucks, but I'm trying to find my place again.
What is a 27 year old?
What does that mean, anyway?
When I try to measure that with accomplishments, it seems trite and doesn't really fit. That is what most people seem to believe. That when you reach stages, you should have certain things figured out and own things, and have kids, et al.
But that doesn't mean anything. Not to me.
I have to figure out what it means to me.
And until I do,
I am not quite sure who I am.
Maybe that is what a 27 year old is.
End of thought
back to the regularly scheduled sarcasm.
thank you
So, all this talk of monkeys started me thinking about the etymology of "monkey" and how it is somewhat synonymous with the word "shit" in my mind.
You can pretty much substitute Monkey with Shit in most cases. And they still hold the same meaning.
EX:
Don't give me that ___ a)monkey b)shit
you look like ___ a)shit b)monkey ( this can also be followed by ass, another good adjective)
Yeah, she was down on the corner talking ____ about you a)monkey b)shit
you smell like ___ a)shit b)monkey
don't drink that ____! a)monkey b)shit
you get the idea
So, the only varying thing I noticed is that you usually need to preceed monkey with "a" which is obviously points to the fact that most people consider monkeys nouns, what the shit is that about?
so, this is my tribute to monkeys, whether they be on your back, your friends chest, in the latrine, the back yard or the jungle.
oh yeah, and here's your new post
so monkey this
(the most glaring comparison of the two words that I thought of was: you don't want to go spank your shit)
Also, whilst trying to find an image of a good monkey-shit I found this, which made me think of many pirate references which I won't bore you with since this is already my longest post, ever:
The word "monkey" is of uncertain origin; its first known usage was in 1498 when it was used in the literary work Reynard the Fox as the name of the son of Martin the Ape. "Monkey" has numerous nautical meanings, such as a small coastal trading vessel, single masted with a square sail of the 16th and 17th centuries; a small wooden cask in which grog was carried after issue from a grog-tub to the seamen's messes in the Royal Navy; a type of marine steam reciprocating engine where two engines were used together in tandem on the same propeller shaft; and a sailor whose job involved climbing and moving swiftly (usage dating to 1858). A "monkey boat" was a narrow vessel used on canals (usage dating to 1858); a "monkey gaff" is a small gaff on large merchant vessels; a "monkey jacket" is a close fitting jacket worn by sailors; "monkey spars" are small masts and yards on vessels used for the "instruction and exercise of boys;" and a "monkey pump" is a straw used to suck the liquid from a small hole in a cask; a "monkey block" was used in the rigging of sailing ships; "monkey island" is a ship's upper bridge; "monkey drill" was calisthenics by naval personnel (usage dating to 1895); and "monkey march" is close order march by US Marine Corps personnel (usage dating to 1952)
Each year at the Tulsa State Fair, an artist is commissioned to make a sculpture out of butter. In past years, cows, farmers, and baseball players were created out of hundreds of pounds of butter. This year, in celebration of Star Wars's final episode, TSF is featuring Darth Vader and Yoda, all dairy-like
I just completed my first ever jury duty assignment.. They should call it schmuck duty. It was pretty boring. But sort of interesting, I'm not into reality tv though, and I could tell that most of the people were totally into it in vicarious way. Which is frightening when you consider that they're making decisions that affect other lives.
I don't have much interesting going on at the moment. We worked in our yard all weekend and built a really nice flower bed, still need to do the other side of the yard. It was really hard work. Cassie, next time you need to send some Mexicans over to help!
You are Miyagi from the Karate Kid. You are a
perfectionist when it comes to car detailing,
fence painting and deck sanding. Your wisdom is
tinted with humor and I'm positive you smoke
those little bonsai trees when nobody's
looking.
Which 80's Movie Character Are you?"
brought to you by
So, I was already thinking of a new post when you put that on my comments, Cas.
Ugh, this week has sucked in so many ways. The dog I got is now fast becoming a large burdensome source of stress to me. And my cats, who are trying to tell me of their displeasure by not using their catboxes. The dog needs more attention than I can give it, she's really potentially a good dog, I know it, but she needs a lot of training. And I realized that I also cannot leave town like I used to, for even a weekend without the added $expensive$ of kenneling her.
So,
all week I felt horrible about my secret thoughts of not being able to keep her. And I broke last night after having to wash the bedding AGAIN, and cleaning up the cat residue from the ONLY carpeted area in my house. I called the animal rescue that helped me find her and they're going to talk to the German Shepherd rescue to see if they can find her a good home. I'm not going to take her to a shelter, but I am trying to think of myself as more of a foster-mom than her owner at this point. I am going to sign us up for obediance classes next week. I feel awful though, it's really depressing me, like I'm giving up on her, but I'm so tired of it.
And
after it all, I can honestly say,
I am not a dog person.
I love animals, but lately I don't even want to have the responsibility of cats, or turtles, or anything.
And so, with this said,
on the way to work today, my car died.
Actually, about 5 miles from work, all the lights came on, it was driving in the winter mode, which only goes about 10 mph or something. And it was making funny noises. I did get to work, and tried to start it again, and it seemed fine. So tried taking it to the car shop and it died.
So, tow truck, and no word of what's wrong with it, possibly til Tuesday, and 1 rental car later.
I feel even more upset.
That's my life Cassie,
I don't even have a funny ending to this one.
bleh.
No pictures either.
hahaha
if you can't read it
it says:
"Oh, why yes, Mr. President, I believe that the WMDs are in the basement of the Alamo."
I stole this from PlanetDan. I love it.
Curmudgeon:(Definition) "A crusty, ill-tempered soul who takes a dim and cynical view of persons, events, institutions, human nature and life in general."
So, on the profile page I can upload my picture, but it doesn't show on my blog, like Cassie's and everyone else's. I think I need to edit the HTML on my template, Tom doesn't think that is where to do it. Help!
So, I went home at lunch to walk to canine. As I was returning to my house a questionable individual started calling out stuff from the bad neighbors porch. I kept ignoring him and then he called out about wanting to sell me something, some kind of floor wipes or something. I said no thanks. He kept trying to ask me questions and I evaded them until the dog was done and then I went inside.
So, I don't live in the best neighborhood, coupled with my paranoia and tendency to worry too much, I began worrying about the other four guys that I noticed hanging about the block. And I started thinking that maybe they were scoping out houses to rob and they saw me leave and then I just couldn't stop imagining them breaking into my house and stealing everything and letting the cats out. Argh!
So, I got back to work and called the cops and said there were suspicious characters hanging about, they said they'd send someone out to check on it.
Am I stupid? Should I leave work to check on things?
I feel quite worried now.
