Monkey what?

So, all this talk of monkeys started me thinking about the etymology of "monkey" and how it is somewhat synonymous with the word "shit" in my mind.
You can pretty much substitute Monkey with Shit in most cases. And they still hold the same meaning.
Don't give me that ___ a)monkey b)shit
you look like ___ a)shit b)monkey ( this can also be followed by ass, another good adjective)
Yeah, she was down on the corner talking ____ about you a)monkey b)shit
you smell like ___ a)shit b)monkey

don't drink that ____! a)monkey b)shit

you get the idea

So, the only varying thing I noticed is that you usually need to preceed monkey with "a" which is obviously points to the fact that most people consider monkeys nouns, what the shit is that about?
so, this is my tribute to monkeys, whether they be on your back, your friends chest, in the latrine, the back yard or the jungle.
oh yeah, and here's your new post
so monkey this

(the most glaring comparison of the two words that I thought of was: you don't want to go spank your shit)

Also, whilst trying to find an image of a good monkey-shit I found this, which made me think of many pirate references which I won't bore you with since this is already my longest post, ever:

The word "monkey" is of uncertain origin; its first known usage was in 1498 when it was used in the literary work Reynard the Fox as the name of the son of Martin the Ape. "Monkey" has numerous nautical meanings, such as a small coastal trading vessel, single masted with a square sail of the 16th and 17th centuries; a small wooden cask in which grog was carried after issue from a grog-tub to the seamen's messes in the Royal Navy; a type of marine steam reciprocating engine where two engines were used together in tandem on the same propeller shaft; and a sailor whose job involved climbing and moving swiftly (usage dating to 1858). A "monkey boat" was a narrow vessel used on canals (usage dating to 1858); a "monkey gaff" is a small gaff on large merchant vessels; a "monkey jacket" is a close fitting jacket worn by sailors; "monkey spars" are small masts and yards on vessels used for the "instruction and exercise of boys;" and a "monkey pump" is a straw used to suck the liquid from a small hole in a cask; a "monkey block" was used in the rigging of sailing ships; "monkey island" is a ship's upper bridge; "monkey drill" was calisthenics by naval personnel (usage dating to 1895); and "monkey march" is close order march by US Marine Corps personnel (usage dating to 1952)


Aaron said...

Amber, that post was cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey. Which by the way is a device used on pirate ships to hold cannonballs. Why were they brass? Because they wouldn't rust. Why were they called monkeys? Because every other monkey-ing thing on the boat was called monkey.

cassie d said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Amber said...

But can you say that to a monkey?
or what about,
bend my monkey over, I'll show ya?

cassie d said...

Vould you like tu tauch my monkey?


I'm not german!

So i've been of the belief for some time, that you can also answer any question with:

'Bend over, I'll show ya'

Try it out:

Q. What's your problem?
A. Bend over, I'll show ya.

Q. Do you know the way to San Jose?
A. Bend over, I'll show ya.

Q. How was that snow storm i heard about in Denver?
A. Bend over, I'll show ya. - and it was non existent.

Q. Where's my f*ing schnitzle?
A. Bend over, I'll show ya.

See? It's fuckin' simple.

bt said...

How in charge of your monkey are you, Cassie?

If I get Amber to bend over will you show us? ;P

Amber said...

I am nobody's monkey!

Aaron said...

Who DOES this monkey belong to?

vagina = monkey = growler

cassie d said...

are you saying that monkey is flying out of a vagina, and into a growler?

Shhheeeaaaa!!! RRrrrrright!!! And monkeys might fly outta my butt!!!!

cassie d said...


you KNEW that was coming!!!

bt said...

I never said you were a monkey, Amber, I was implying that Cassie would use her monkey on you to show us how in charge of her monkey she was/is. And it was an obscure joke refering to cassie being in charge of and exorsizing (sorry for the bad spelling) that controll of her life. I figure since you all read one another's blogs, then I assumed you would get my stupid jokes refering to other members of FART. And just so you know, they are only jokes and are not in mean spirits of any kind, mean monkeys maybe, because monkeys do fling a lot of shit.

Thinking of monkeys coming out of buts, I must say that I am not a big carry fan, but the monkey out of the but in Bruce Almighty was pretty fucking funny in my book.

Aaron said...

Don't ever monkey with a growler. That's a good way to get your monkey spanked!

cassie d said...

okay, a-ron -

i am confused at your definition of growler. As you have used this word in multiple sentences, one can only assume you mean it as a sexual reference to one of these three definitions:

One entry found for growler.

Main Entry: growl·er
Pronunciation: 'grau-l&r
Function: noun
1 : one that growls
2 : a container (as a can or pitcher) for beer bought by the measure
3 : a small iceberg

Now, i was picturing a monkey flying into a pitcher of beer.

You were saying
1. 'don't monkey with "one that growls" or you'll get your monkey spanked'
2. 'don't monkey with "a container for beer bought by the measure" or you'll get your monkey spanked'
3. 'don't monkey with "a small iceberg" or you'll get your monkey spanked'

I require clarification - please specify.

Aaron said...

Silly me, I thought the equation I posted in a previous comment would give enough clarification....

For those of you in Rio Linda:

Growler = Vagina

Amber said...

I don't even know what you two are talking about anymore, at least it's not about personal ads, with monkeys...

S E E Quine said...

` For me, 'monkey' is synonymous with 'friend'.

` Also, I want to point something out to Aaron about Monkeys and Brass Balls... I thought I'd written about it already. Hmmm. I guess not. Well, let's see how my linking skills hold up...

Crosses fingers.

` Another one of language's great and widespread myths!