ha ha

This is from "Overheard in New York":

Street Preacher: Have you found Jesus?!
Guy #1: Why? Did you lose him?
Street Preacher: Have you found your Lord, our Savior, Jesus Christ?
Guy #2: Next time, try using better fucking nails!


Sixteen Men on a Dead Man's Chest

I am officially taking suggestions to rid my yard of vermin. For the past 3 days I have been afflicted with a flower picking type A vermin.

Day One:
All but two of my tulips disappeared.
The lilies are all gone.

Day Two:
The remaining tulips are stolen, in addition one of my daffodils that might have been a narcissus - I think, as well as some of the grape hyacinths and assorted annuals.

Day Three:

What can I do? I've considered the following - setting up an intricate web of invisible lasers that surround the flower beds, the kind you can only see if you blow powder into the air, in the dark- which immediately terminates any "visitors".
Posting signs that threaten bodily harm and law enforcement. Jolly Roger flags placed in prominent places around the yard. Voodoo spells to curse any violators. Habanero powder carefully placed on all stems and leaves. Security camera and sign that instructs them to smile while they're caught. Calling off work and lying in wait - preferably with a weapon or vicious dog.

In reality I need to put up that fence around the front we've been talking about.
How many more attacks can my garden take? I hope not many.
I hate thieves, especially underage ones since I can't prosecute them - although they ARE less likely to carry guns in this neighborhood.

I am open for suggestions at this point.

On that note I'll leave you with a link to one of the funniest posts I've run across this week.

crazy human


Dog or God? Evian or Naive?

Top ten signs you are a Fundamentalist Christian:

10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.

7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!

6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.

4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."

3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.

2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.


Hooray for Cassie and Dilaram

Here's another list about jobs and stuff. Cassie, as you see, you're on there, but who is working the number one job?
Dilaram, my partner, boyfriend, fiancee and protagonist of my love life.


Stupid link isn't working right.
Sadly but not suprisingly my job isn't even on this list. I like how they tell you why they chose the jobs they did.


sometimes when you get the blues there's a reason

For lack of my own words:

"it only takes 6 or 8 inept political leaders
or 8 or 10 artsy-fartsy writers, composers and painters to
set the natural course of human progress
50 years
or more.
which may not seem like much to you
but it's over half your lifetime
during which time you're not going to be able to
hear, see, read or feel that
necessary gift of great art which
otherwise you could have experienced.
which may not seem tragic to you
but sometimes, perhaps, when you're not feeling so
good at
night or in the morning or at
maybe what you feel that's lacking is
what should be there for
but is not.
and I don't mean a blonde in
sheer pantyhose,
I'm talking about what gnaws at your guts
even when she's

~C. Bukowski


Loose cannons, Life and Fatigue

Things have been quite busy in my life lately. I'm not sure if this second job thing is going to work out. This week I work 11 hour days everyday except Thursday, and then on Saturday too. It is seriously compromising the rest of my daily life such as walking the dog, cleaning the house, eating, sleeping, etc. etc. If I could find a way to not sleep I could probably do this with ease.

On top of the time restrictions that are pinching me lately I have had a few things that have occupied my head and heart: firstly is the possibility that Dilaram and I will have to move to Chicago. Just the consideration of this hurts my head; mostly because I don't know what we'd do with the house we just bought, the other stuff would be minor in comparison. We are both quite torn because we like our house, but we don't really care if we're in St. Louis that much. In fact the upside would be that we could get out of here. I really would prefer our escape to be pointed more in the direction of the West coast though.

The other thing, that is now thankfully behind me, but has loomed over me for the past week was the discovery of lumpy things that should not be in my chest area. I have had a few tests and it was found to be non-threatening and probably just cysts. Apparently this is not so uncommon, but until you know what is wrong it is a scary thing.

I will be posting pictures soon of the yard stuff we've been doing, especially for you Cassie, I'm feeling pretty happy with how it looks overall, but need help with the backyard -that is if we stay in this house:( .

Here is the newest feature of my blog: Link 'o the Day, enjoy

Big Jesus Trashcan

My doctor called me today and told me that I must quit ingesting caffeine - this translates to no coffee, tea, chocolate and anything-that-gets-me-through-the-day. I don't think this will happen. I'm not sure if she was just using language that she thought would appease me but she said that what I have is benign. lumpy but not abnormal I really don't like the use of the word "disease" that does NOT put me at ease, but it seems fairly harmless, so I'm going to put my lumpy self to bed and try not to dream of a life with out coffee and chocolate.