Landscapes of peril and moments of reflection

I have been insanely busy as of late, and find myself needing to just release all the tension. It's not quite time yet, but soon, I hope.
I have one more motorcycle class before I have my endorsement. I have to pass the test next Sunday, but things are going well, so I shouldn't have a problem. Last Sunday we rode for about 5 hours. It was so very tiring that I came home and promptly passed out for most of the night. Between working and class and animals, I have not had much time to reflect on what shape my life has been taking on. On the immediate horizon I see much more freedom once I can legally and more confidently traverse the city on my scooter, and that makes me happy.
I am also seriously considering taking time off from the coffee shop, or just quitting it altogether. This is one of my only points of procrastination, because part of me doesn't want to quit, but the balance is tipping towards being able to have more of a personal life.
I have a steady dj gig, and possibly another one in the works. This of all the things I've been doing was something I did not foresee or plan on. I seemed to fall into it, and it's also the source of the most satisfaction for me as far as "job" stuff goes. If I got paid for it, it'd be even cooler....
I am hoping to make a trip to Colorado soon, in the next few months, I think. I really want to be able to spend some time with my father and family and friends, and my father, did I say that?

These are all good things, and I am trying to focus on these hopes instead of the dirty house and lack of time and sicknesses and pain and worlds falling apart.
And that, has been my most signifigant accomplishment lately. The word for today is hope, glad I haven't lost it.

Oh, and my wisteria is blooming!
(This isn't a picture of mine)


cassie d said...

are you riding your scooter out here?

You should.

Just remember, when you come visit, make time for you dad. I know how hectic it is when you come home and EVERYONE wants to see you. It sounds like dad is #1, so it might be beneficial to stay in Pueblo with him for most of your trip. Just tell us honkies up here in Denver to bite your scooter ridin', coffee grindin', Goth DJin' AZZZZZZZZZZ!

Trust me. You'll feel better and so will Da.

OR you can tell everyone to bite it, and tell them you're hangin' wit Locomocos. Just don't tell them who that is......


Hannah said...

I have seen the women with backs so curled over that their noses nearly touch their knees. Years of hand-done farmwork causes it I suppose. They have raised children, survived the war and the starvation that followed, they were living hectic lives once. They so often take in the things they enjoy to the fullest: a baby's face, blooming wisteria vines, friends' laughter... I also hear them counting, "ichi, ni, ichi, ni (one, two, one, two)" as they walk along. They literally take life one step at a time. I think that is my lesson of late. It sounds like it may be yours, too. I only hope we get to be some of these laughing old women. Don't lose hope. I have seen their happiness in light of their hardships.

Amber said...

Thank you, Hannah, that has been the most helpful and meaningful thing anyone has said to me in awhile, besides when the motorcycle instructor told me to keep my head up and stop gripping the brake like a cat's claw. I hope, too, that someday we will be old ladies and be able to watch wisteria bloom and maybe count in time together once in awhile.

Freilonka said...

i can never remember my password on here. I just wanted to say hi..... It was so good to talk to you the other night, when i was in Kona. Things are crazy for me, and oddly busy, even though I still don't have a job. I just wanted you to know I'm thinking about you, and hoping that soon you will be able to figure out what you need to do to make you more happy. And to have the ability to make what ever changes need to be made. I am mentally hugging and kissing you now....