ha ha

This is from "Overheard in New York":

Street Preacher: Have you found Jesus?!
Guy #1: Why? Did you lose him?
Street Preacher: Have you found your Lord, our Savior, Jesus Christ?
Guy #2: Next time, try using better fucking nails!

Sixteen Men on a Dead Man's Chest

I am officially taking suggestions to rid my yard of vermin. For the past 3 days I have been afflicted with a flower picking type A vermin.


Day One:
All but two of my tulips disappeared.
The lilies are all gone.

Day Two:
The remaining tulips are stolen, in addition one of my daffodils that might have been a narcissus - I think, as well as some of the grape hyacinths and assorted annuals.

Day Three:
TBD



What can I do? I've considered the following - setting up an intricate web of invisible lasers that surround the flower beds, the kind you can only see if you blow powder into the air, in the dark- which immediately terminates any "visitors".
Posting signs that threaten bodily harm and law enforcement. Jolly Roger flags placed in prominent places around the yard. Voodoo spells to curse any violators. Habanero powder carefully placed on all stems and leaves. Security camera and sign that instructs them to smile while they're caught. Calling off work and lying in wait - preferably with a weapon or vicious dog.

In reality I need to put up that fence around the front we've been talking about.
How many more attacks can my garden take? I hope not many.
I hate thieves, especially underage ones since I can't prosecute them - although they ARE less likely to carry guns in this neighborhood.

I am open for suggestions at this point.

On that note I'll leave you with a link to one of the funniest posts I've run across this week.

crazy human

Dog or God? Evian or Naive?

Top ten signs you are a Fundamentalist Christian:

10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.

7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!

6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.

4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."


3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.

2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.

Hooray for Cassie and Dilaram

Here's another list about jobs and stuff. Cassie, as you see, you're on there, but who is working the number one job?
Dilaram, my partner, boyfriend, fiancee and protagonist of my love life.

http://money.cnn.com/magazines/moneymag/bestjobs/top50/index.html

Stupid link isn't working right.
Sadly but not suprisingly my job isn't even on this list. I like how they tell you why they chose the jobs they did.

sometimes when you get the blues there's a reason

For lack of my own words:

"it only takes 6 or 8 inept political leaders
or 8 or 10 artsy-fartsy writers, composers and painters to
set the natural course of human progress
back
50 years
or more.
which may not seem like much to you
but it's over half your lifetime
during which time you're not going to be able to
hear, see, read or feel that
necessary gift of great art which
otherwise you could have experienced.
which may not seem tragic to you
but sometimes, perhaps, when you're not feeling so
good at
night or in the morning or at
noon,
maybe what you feel that's lacking is
what should be there for
you
but is not.
and I don't mean a blonde in
sheer pantyhose,
I'm talking about what gnaws at your guts
even when she's
there."

~C. Bukowski

Loose cannons, Life and Fatigue

Things have been quite busy in my life lately. I'm not sure if this second job thing is going to work out. This week I work 11 hour days everyday except Thursday, and then on Saturday too. It is seriously compromising the rest of my daily life such as walking the dog, cleaning the house, eating, sleeping, etc. etc. If I could find a way to not sleep I could probably do this with ease.

On top of the time restrictions that are pinching me lately I have had a few things that have occupied my head and heart: firstly is the possibility that Dilaram and I will have to move to Chicago. Just the consideration of this hurts my head; mostly because I don't know what we'd do with the house we just bought, the other stuff would be minor in comparison. We are both quite torn because we like our house, but we don't really care if we're in St. Louis that much. In fact the upside would be that we could get out of here. I really would prefer our escape to be pointed more in the direction of the West coast though.

The other thing, that is now thankfully behind me, but has loomed over me for the past week was the discovery of lumpy things that should not be in my chest area. I have had a few tests and it was found to be non-threatening and probably just cysts. Apparently this is not so uncommon, but until you know what is wrong it is a scary thing.

I will be posting pictures soon of the yard stuff we've been doing, especially for you Cassie, I'm feeling pretty happy with how it looks overall, but need help with the backyard -that is if we stay in this house:( .

Here is the newest feature of my blog: Link 'o the Day, enjoy

Big Jesus Trashcan


Addendum:
My doctor called me today and told me that I must quit ingesting caffeine - this translates to no coffee, tea, chocolate and anything-that-gets-me-through-the-day. I don't think this will happen. I'm not sure if she was just using language that she thought would appease me but she said that what I have is benign. lumpy but not abnormal I really don't like the use of the word "disease" that does NOT put me at ease, but it seems fairly harmless, so I'm going to put my lumpy self to bed and try not to dream of a life with out coffee and chocolate.

Give us a fag, will you?

At the risk of seeming like I'm turning this into a tobacco blog I wanted to say a few more things about the smoking bans that are spreading across the globe, not just our fair country. If you type in "smoking ban" in wikipedia it has a wealth of information on the subject.

A few things that I found interesting:
This article

(English: "Our Fuhrer Adolf Hitler drinks no alcohol and does not smoke.... His performance at work is incredible." (From Auf der Wacht 1937:18)
They were trying to create the Uberman based on HIM?!

I go back to my previous statement that if everyone is so fucking bothered by it, why don't they make it illegal, I mean, Prohibitionworked for alchohol, right? right?

There are many sides to every argument, I don't deny this or say that there are not valid points on each side. And someday, possibly even soon, I may be a non-smoker. This does not mean I want the government or other people who think they're first cousins to god telling me what to do with my body. If I want to put nicotine in or take babies out, this is my temple and I will decide who can worship here.

In other news, isn't this picture awesome? Someday I am going to see a total eclipse in person. This was taken in Russia around noon yesterday, most areas only saw the penumbra, which would be ok with me too.

Funny for a Monday

Two for one

Does anyone else find it ironic that California has some of the dirtiest air
and yet
it's practically illegal to smoke ANYWHERE in Cali?
(excerpt: prohibits smoking in all public places, indoor or outdoor, where anyone might be exposed to secondhand smoke, including outdoor cafes, bus stops, soccer fields, condominium pool decks, parks and sidewalks. Smoking in one's car is allowed, unless the windows are open and someone nearby might be affected.)

So, in summary,
It's ok to drive your 2 ton SUV 1/2 a block to buy baby food and soccer pads for the kiddies, but don't you fucking light up while doing it!

Take note Colorado readers:Elsewhere, the Colorado House gave final approval to a statewide smoking ban Friday and sent the bill to Gov. Bill Owens, who said he will sign it. Colorado would be the 13th state to enact such a ban.

Sushi-ya

This little clip was quite funny. vinegar feet?It reminded me of so many people, and their nasty habits of eating raw fish.

Actually I love sushi, but not with carcass. I even make it at home.
As I was looking for a few images it hit me at how obsessed people are with these little rolls. The possibilities are quite endless when it comes to how you can utilize them in everyday life.

Because the great Cassie has spoken....

I was told I should post this. I think Cassie is just too obsessed with this website. I'm pretty sure I saw Tom's middle daughter - who just turned 8 - on this website before. Anyhow, here it is.

I want one

This is a pretty cool concept. Although, if you're going to make the effort of walking around your house with a special tool to look at plants, you're probably assertive enough to water them regularly anyway.
Feed me, Seymour.
I suppose it would be more useful for farmers and things of that nature.

Something funny, Something stupid

I usually find bumpersticks somewhat annoying, being that people seem to express anything from their political views, to moral issues to personal philosophies-on their dirty bumper, peeling and fading into mixed messages.

But, I did see one yesterday that made me chuckle to myself:

Practice Safe Sex Just Say No to Sex with ProLifers

and driving to work this morning I was behind a beat-up old truck with plenty of "environmental" stickers about water quality and life quality and earth stuff AND his truck was spewing enough toxic fumes to pollute a small country for a week. I had to light another cigarette just to breath!

Au Lait?

I will be the first to admit that I have a caffeine addiction. I have been known to go to the coffee shop by my work twice in one day. Dilaram has wondered to himself how I could spend 17 dollars in one day at a coffee shop. I have no doubt that living in Portland only escalated this addiction; a place where there is almost a coffee shop on every block, and I don't mean Starbucks either.

So, since I started working at my current job two years ago I have become known at this little shop. It's actually not so little, it's in an old bank, they still have some of the old vaults which you can sit and sup in, it's cool. They also have a great selection of teas-all Republic of Teas, yum. The baristas there know my name and are already making my drink when I come in the door. It's nice, kind of like Cheers or something. They roast all their own coffee and they just started making their own pastries.
Why I am saying all of this? Because today I have an interview with the owner about working there. I'll probably just work on evenings and weekends. As a second job I hope to gain the following: experience that I can use when I open my own shop, free coffee(this is a very good reason), a little extra money. The money thing is not really that big of a motivator since I know I won't make much. But the number one reason? I'll be a cool barrista! yeah. I know silly, but I always like all the barrista girls there, and I just want to be that cool.

Bowing out

Dear Pentarchy,
Please accept this as my resignation. I am sure you will find a fast replacement that is better suited to your needs. What can I say, it was the best of times, it was the worst of times.
But not really, it wasn't really that dramatic or epic.
I will continue to post here as a solo agent.
Take care and have fun slinging mud.
I will leave you with the really nice link to an article that pretty much sums up everything that led up to my resignation.
37 million poor

By the balls, the frozen balls

Dilaram and I went out of town this weekend to say goodby to a good friend who is moving to Portland. When we got back yesterday afternoon it was frigid in the downstairs part of our house. I thought this was odd since the heat was actually on 65, much higher than the thermostat upstairs. I know heat rises so I just turned it up to 70 and commenced cleaning. Because I was moving around I didn't realize how chilly it truly was becoming with the sun setting until I went upstairs and it felt toasty. So I went in the basement to check on things and lo! the furnace that heats the first floor is not even on. I tried everything and it just won't turn on. It's cold and now all my plants are starting to look real unhappy. Of course this happens when it's below freezing weather, not last week when it was almost 70 for a few days.
When I called the gas company phone number that was on my furnace they informed me that they won't even come look at it until I pay the balance of my bill.
*Background Info* We received a gas bill for December for $550 dollars! A guy from the gas company came out on Jan 4th and read the meter which is inside.. So I called them back and asked that they come read it again. They realized they screwed up majorly at some point and our bill for January ended up being $94. How does that work, how do you go from 550 to 94. It's not like it's been really warm for the past few months. I think something is still wrong. ANYWAY, regardless, we haven't paid our whole balance and I know we need to get on budget billing. I'm just so irate at this point that if we didn't have a gas dryer and oven I would let them shut us down and buy some fucking space heaters.
The upside to the furnace not working? I guess my gas bill will go down...ha, it better.

You must watch

This is ingenious, well-done.
Thumbs up.
Brokback to the Future

The stuff of Dreams/Reflection

So, awhile back A-ron was talking about how he is a true believer. Perhaps this is a matter of semantics, but I think fundamentally it's similar. I can't say that I'm a true believer, but I am a dreamer. If you broke down everyone's inner hopes, we may all have similar dreams for the worlds that exist in our hearts. Our dreams may all coincide nicely. What I dream and imagine is probably not all that different in some sense from A-ron's, Locos or even (gasp) numerous villified political icons that we won't name.
I think some of the differences are noticed in the acting out of these dreams and hopes for the world. Much of my dream consists of stuff right out of"Imagine" by John Lennon . I really do want the world to be peaceful and for no one to suffer. A bit high on the improbabality scale? maybe. But that is my dream, and I do not really have a true belief in that happening. This dream has nothing to do with going around forcing my dream on others. It's hard for me to readily accept the possibilty that at the root of it all everyone may have similar dreams to mine, because I look at the world around me and it seems like a total paradox to the world in my heart and head.
But, some part of me has to be able to see the human side of what I could so easily term evil, or bad because I don't agree with it. And I know that because I am like this inside, because I strive for balance, understanding and acceptance that I am different from some people. The difference being that I do that at all. That I do not blindly see my way as right and any other way as wrong. This is not something that is easy or natural, but I make a conscious effort to try to do this. It creates many internal struggles,
But I am trying. And I hope that at least makes a difference.

Brilliant

And just when I thought my elders didn't have anything to teach me.
This article made me really happy, warm and fuzzy inside.



And I smile

I would like to have one of these

This would be really cool to be able to get away from rat races and cities. And having land in the forest like that would be nice too.
I wonder though, if this kind of thing will end up being like Xanadu?
I'm waiting until he makes the kind with bathrooms in them though.

Here's their website