Into the Rabbit Hole

Autumn

2010-10-03T13:57:00.001-05:00

Sitting in the Archive on a lovely fall day, I found the perfect words of how autumn touches me:

I would say this for the leaves:
That they comfort me,
And though my heart is heavy,
Such light in pools of color below,
Such light in shimmering color above,
Such a soft richness of quiet turning
Lifts and blesses my eyes
That I might turn like them
Upon a pliant stem
Until the clean break at the neat crescent place,
The edge designed for letting go,
Sets me free to drift,
A bright gash against the dark air.
And seeing grey limbs appear,
Tree by tree like naked bones
Drying in the lingering sun,
I too feel the downward pull of the sap
Hidden and waiting to transform.
~Mary Chivers

2010-06-27T21:40:00.004-05:00

This week, last year, already a year, you were still here. You were leaving, but some piece of you was here. I don't understand where you went, nor do I understand how maybe you went nowhere, but plainly ceased to be. I've waited for a year now, to have some understand it. I've went through a few days here or there when I didn't even think about your absence. There were days when I would catch myself realizing that I was chasing some fantasy of calling you to tell you about something that happened or somthing I saw. Those moments were like emotional exclamation points that floored me, knowing that I would never be able to do that again.
All of this, I live with each day, and I get by.
What it is that always tears me into pieces and breaks my heart all over again is to hear John Lennon's voice. It transports me back to that room, with you, playing his music for you, trying to find what I thought would give you some last feeling of peace in this world.
A year ago you were dying. A year ago I still could hold your hand and it was warm.
I still miss you so terribly.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise

Black bird singing in the dead of night
Take these sunken eyes and learn to see
all your life
you were only waiting for this moment to be free

Blackbird fly, Blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night.

Blackbird fly, Blackbird fly
Into the light of the dark black night.

Blackbird singing in the dead of night
Take these broken wings and learn to fly
All your life
You were only waiting for this moment to arise.

Turning the Page

2010-01-19T16:17:00.002-06:00

Where do you think I've been?

I've been spending many hours here; getting ready to let you, and anyone who loves a good book, through the front door.
Soon.
The Archive
Come check us out....

Interview with a blog

Let it be for something

2009-09-02T14:04:00.001-05:00

This is what death is, most of all: everything that has been seen, will have been seen for nothing. Mourning over what we have perceived.
-François Wahl

Two threads from Rilke

2009-08-31T09:50:00.004-05:00

One month has gone by. Full of days, and broken-sleep nights. The hole is still here, it is no smaller and no less painful. I think I do feel a little numb more frequently. Yet still no comfort. I miss you.

I love the dark hours of my being.
My mind deepens into them.
There I can find, as in old letters,
the days of my life, already lived,
and held like a legend, and understood.

Then the knowing comes: I can open
to another life that's wide and timeless.

So I am sometimes like a tree
rustling over a gravesite
and making real the dream
of the one its living roots
embrace:

a dream once lost
among sorrows and songs.

Everything is far
and long gone by.
I think that the star
glittering above me
has been dead for a million years.
I think there were tears
in the car I heard pass
and something terrible was said.
A clock has stopped striking in the house
across the road...
When did it start?...
I would like to step out of my heart
an go walking beneath the enormous sky.
I would like to pray.
And surely of all the stars that perished
long ago,
one still exists.
I think that I know
which one it is--
which one, at the end of its beam in the sky,
stands like a white city...

While My Heart Gently Weeps

2009-08-19T20:48:00.003-05:00

My father, who was always my Da.

I do not know how to stop speaking to you, but I do not know how to start, knowing that this will be a one sided conversation. I cannot stand the thought of you out there, waiting for me to start either.

I was always careful about my beliefs, especially about the big things, like death. I have never had an opinion that was fully formed about it, nevertheless, I did have certain ideas. Thoughts on what happens as that last breath leaves the body, where does that life go? What is left, is anything?

All that I held to be somewhat true, in theory, has crashed down around me, and I'm left standing in the midst of all the shattered pieces, and there is nothing. No answers, no comfort, just a huge gaping hole that starts hurting at my heart and moves through me in waves, through my eyes, my brain and my lungs. I am not believing that you are truly gone, but I have no proof of that, only my hopefulness that I'll wake up and be able to call you. I stare at my hands, and see your hands, surely that can't be what people mean when they say you will always live in me. It only makes my hands feel like an echo that never finds its depths, or a response on the other side of the mountain.

All my thoughts of you unravel, and come back to the last days. Watching you by the window, trying to imagine what you were seeing, were you dreaming backwards? I want to remember all the stories, but can't seem to unless someone else is telling them. I have dreams, over and over, of trying to still hold your hand, and being in that room, trying to still talk to you. I walk through trees, trying to see for you, to give you the world that I see, now that you do not have your own.

But all of it feels like a ruse, I cannot understand where you went. And for now, I cannot accept it. Maybe in time, but for now I am not ready to say goodbye.

I breath through the waves of loss, at moments it is almost too much, but really it is never too much. I just keep breathing

Origin

2009-03-24T12:17:00.007-05:00

I often think about how my family, maternal and paternal ended up in the town I was born in and where I spent my formative years, until I got the hell out of there. Both of my grandfathers moved to the town to work at the Steel Mill in the 1950s. From California, from Kansas - places that were worlds away from this place. The Steel Mill was such an ominous fixture in the town, that growing up with it you developed a fondness for it because it was part of you and your own childish identity, it was part of the skyline and it was a landmark for knowing where you were at all times - the smoke stacks being the tallest thing around. It was with a sentimental sadness that I noted some of the towers disappearing over the years. A few were taken down when I still lived there, almost fifteen years in the past. Now, when I go home to visit, there remain just a skeletal few to hold vigil on the horizon. It's not that I think the smokestacks are a lovely part of that place, in fact it's just part of the memory I do have of this place that I usually refer as a frozen reach of hell.
If these pictures do not recall inferno-like nightmares for you, I shudder to think of where you come from. It didn't look quite like these images when I lived there, but somehow these old postcards depict, perfectly, how I feel about that place. Except, now, it's just a ghost of itself, and that is even more sad than if it were still going full-steam into the farthest reaches of hell.

Chelsea Green » Blog Archive » Urban Apiculture: Raise Bees in Your Apartment

2009-02-10T15:35:00.001-06:00

Chelsea Green » Blog Archive » Urban Apiculture: Raise Bees in Your Apartment

Posted using ShareThis

2008-11-25T20:10:00.002-06:00

The New Music Circle Presents:
May These Changes

MAKE US LIGHT

Sunday December 14th 7 pm

Saturday December 20th - 5 pm & 7 pm

at the NEW CITY SCHOOL THEATRE -

5209 Waterman Ave (entrance on Lake) $10

A young adventurer seeks the council of Santa Claus on a quest to meet the most inspiring entities of Earth. On his journey to the North, he encounters other unexpected and yet extraordinary individuals: Atnas, the environmental activist; the Snowqueen, guardian of the North; Mrs. Claus; and many creatures and elves.
Interwoven with this experimental film narrative are performances from a cast of St. Louis talent: The Universal Lotus Lovers Acroyoga troupe, choreographers Rebecca Rivas and Carrie Dobsch, movers and musicians Amanda Jokerst, Amber Dover, and Willy Zep, singers and songwriters Mark Pagano and Celia, the Yuletide Express Christmas Choir, Native American flutist and digeridoo player Brad Smith, Emily Hemeyer on dulcimer and improvisational vocals, singer and lovebomb Na-do with her daughter Safa, video mixer Mike Pagano, artist and actor Jeffrey Miller, visual artist and community mover Lyndsey Scott as Atnas, and visionary conceptualist Kelsey LaPoint as the storyteller.
Experience a radical adventure and remaking of the Christmas myth!

Link Too

Good trash

2008-11-13T10:53:00.003-06:00

One Million Beer Bottles Later and it’s a Buddhist Temple

Growing Directions not yet Defined

2008-06-11T23:39:00.002-05:00

I have had many journeys, been uprooted, wandered aimlessly and not. Intentionally left everything behind only to find pieces packed away, and have forgotten things that I meant to carry with me. There have been meandering paths that lead to places I've never considered, let alone imagined, and there have also been loops that I've made over and over.
Days go by that I don't even think of the me that I was before I was this me, and times also that I feel that I am still very much the me I always am. Sometimes I get caught up in memories and relive days and moments and slivers of dreams.
I still know what I want and know that I am also only a fraction of the way to becoming who I've always imagined myself to be. And yet I am always just here.
There are gardens in my life, my meditation. I am full in my soul from the beauty that is so unpredictable in this world.
The more roots I am able to grow the more stable and satisfied I become.
The process of this used to scare me, made me feel bound to just one place, one decision, one future. I am beginning to understand that it doesn't have to be that way. I can let these pieces of my life thrive and live more fully in each moment through this realization.
It is good.

Requested by Cassie

2008-04-23T18:28:00.007-05:00

Back in some other time, Cassie and I made each other mix tapes. She always made cool sleeves for hers. This was the most treasured sleeve. In fact, I liked it so much that I still have it even though the tape is long gone, lying on some highway where an ex-boyfriend threw it out the window. (bastard)

This is a flat version, the group was actually part of the fold inside.

This is the inside with the playlist. I almost didn't put this part up due to the appearance of the "essay", but what the hell....
The only thing about it, Cassie, is the Brian Adam's clip isn't even noted on here, but I remember distinctly having to fast forward at the end of the second side everytime it came on.

Digging through my box of tapes I felt compelled to listen to them again and then realized I don't even have a tape player anymore.
Nevertheless, I couldn't pass up posting this cover. After all I was going to marry him....

Ode to an Orb

2008-04-10T10:37:00.006-05:00

My new favorite fruit is the Blood Orange.

Everytime I eat one I feel like I'm eating a sunset.

I want to have a tree of them, all for myself.

Here Today, Tomorrow, Sometimes

2008-03-18T21:45:00.003-05:00

I'm still around, but mostly I'm busy doing this

A Memory Now

2008-03-18T21:34:00.002-05:00

Over the years, we grew apart.
I like to think that every time I came back you remembered me.
You'd greet me as though I hadn't be absent for yet another year or more.
We traveled thousands of miles together, and I'll never forget the time you ripped the door off in fear and frustration. You were the only one there with me, stranded in Kansas. You kept me sane on that trip.
Another time that I was leaving, but this time taking you with me, I searched for hours wandering the streets crying out to you, not willing to leave you behind.
I finally did find a safe place for you, and I think you were happy.
You set my standards high and I always held you up in comparison to all the ones that followed you. It's a little silly, but even my husband has your name.
Now, you are my memory. I'm so sorry I didn't get to say goodbye to you.
The nights we'd lay in bed while I read a book and all of the other times you gave me comfort, I won't forget.
Goodbye Tomas.

The dry streambed that once contained a branch of the Fountain of Youth

2008-01-10T13:20:00.000-06:00

It's been a week.
If you want to slow time down a bit,
Try smoking, if you don't already.
And then quit.
It works.

New

2008-01-06T08:43:00.000-06:00

I have new things.
Here are a few.
In November Dilaram and I got married.
I quit smoking, this is only my fourth day, but it feels like an eternity. I'm determined this time, and yet I still feel like I could relapse at any moment.
We will be going to Hawaii in less than a month. I don't even own a swim suit, but I am advised if I want to see dolphins and sea turtles I need one.
Oh yeah, I also plunged into this new year with good intentions like doing yoga a lot and being healthy. So far I'm off to a good start.
I think it's a vast improvement over how 2007 started off.

Offensive Carcass

2007-10-27T08:35:00.000-05:00

I was just reading a local blog that was discussing a petition for Anti-smoking legislation for any public space, what it really targets is places like food establishments and bars.
Having just returned from a trip that required air travel, to a city that already has and indoor smoking ban through out, I have to say a few things.
Firstly, I have no problem with stepping outside to smoke. I get that people don't like a lot of things that their fellow humans do, and don't want to be subjected to what they don't like. I'm not at all going to try to force someone to smoke with me, against their will. I try to be respectful, I don't stand right in front of the exit where they have to walk through a cloud of smoke. I don't blow it at people as they walk by. I don't even throw my butts at people who give me dirty looks and just generally look annoying.
Talk about anti-smoking anything always raises a few questions - such as - car exhaust, pollution, obesity. All these other things that cause more health problems than second-hand smoke. I've heard just about everything.
One thing I haven't heard, but think ALL THE TIME, is about the offensiveness of the carcass eaters food choices. I hate going to into a restaurant and being immediately attacked by the odor of carcass being baked, fried, sliced, diced, sauteed, boiled and chewed. Should I start trying to get laws passed about the unfairness of this? Why should I be subjected to having my pores being saturated with carcass greases and reminded of what all the carcass eaters will being carrying around in their colons for the next week?
The very idea that I would try to do such a thing would be very unpopular with most people - as most people in this country (and elsewhere) are partakers of animal flesh. I know that it wouldn't get very far and I'd be considered insane and silly.
And so, I just don't frequent places that are overtly focused on carcass-chomping. It's that simple. I don't have to attend Renaissance Festivals where people walk around chewing on turkey limbs, and I don't have to eat a wilted salad at a sizzling-cow buffet. Get over it, you always have the choice to just stay at home, at least then you wouldn't be polluting the air with your car exhaust.

Un-mother

2007-10-01T20:30:00.001-05:00

It can come out of nowhere. You might be sitting alone as night is
falling around you and it will rush into your head like a freight train
that has no manners. Sometimes it is a creeping thing that slowly
insinuates itself into your conscious thoughts.
The memories of hurtful words, biting and cutting at your confidence and resolve.
The things that people say to each other, out of anger, jealousy, self-hatred that is misdirected.
I
don't know why, out of all the things that someone might say to me,
that I would remember such things. These words, though, they scarred
me. They touched me more than any of the beautiful poems, the loving
embraces and longing gazes sent my direction. I can't even remember the
goodness -and I'm sure there must have been- because of one very short,
but very cutting remark.
I look at this comment from different
angles, trying to grasp a different feeling from it, but it still hurts
just like the first time you said it.Every time my memory replays it, it becomes more sinister.
Why does anyone carry such sadness with them? Why do I think I've let it go, only to find it lingering?
Surely
I've said things like this, to people I've loved. Something that they
carry through all their experiences, such a horrible way to remember
pieces of me that I've shared with them. Knowing this, that I too have
also caused this kind of pain, doesn't make me feel better, nor do I find it justifiable. But it makes it somehow more bearable in the sense that I can let go of my hatred of ones who have hurt me. For I also, have been a murderer of love.

Take the only tree that's left, and stuff it up the hole in your culture

2007-09-26T01:21:00.000-05:00

Quite contrary.
I've a baby-blog that will hopefully be documenting the progress on our community garden. In my links, it is Seeds of change, or garden link
I don't know how much I have in me to write here at the moment, but out of necessity I will be making entries on the other blog, which may seem very focused and perhaps even boring or localized. I guess that's what the midwest has given me.

Yogahurt

2007-09-04T23:31:00.000-05:00

I started doing yoga on Sunday.
I'm so silly to not be active. I always feel 1000 times better.
I never really got yoga before, it was just like stretching before a ballet class for me.
It's different now.
This is an explanation for the dissipation of all the grim words I've conveyed lately.
I won't get all spiritual on here, at least that isn't where I see myself headed.
Just different, and that is good.
Perhaps I won't die of cancer or ennui after all.

overwhelmed

2007-08-29T21:18:00.000-05:00

Some days are harder than others to see the good in humans. I'm still an idealist, I do think we could live in a world someday that has no need for guns or violence or hatred. It might not be this world, but I do believe one like that exists, or could. A lot of people just so readily accept what they are told to believe, without questioning the why behind it. I have never been one of those people, and I never will be.
Fear of death is not a justification for me. Justification for weapons, overblown military, walls to keep people in and out, names given to each other to define our differences, lies we tell our children to scare them - not even thinking of the imprint we leave.
The most lethal of all though, is the human mind, capable of such atrocities, that I cannot conceive of how we've survived this long.
It has to stop at some point. There must be a threshold to the pain and sadness, and when we reach it, surely we'll be able to see what we've done and will hopefully be able to mourn the loss of our own humanity.
You won't find me holding my breath.
My ideals remain in tact, and because of this, I still find hope. My words always belie such despair, but I am actually quite the opposite for the most part.

in the background

2007-07-27T09:17:00.001-05:00

lurking
Originally uploaded by blackpetunia

I am lucky that my life has so much beauty in it.
Most of this beauty has nothing to do with other humans.
My partner was unsurprised when I told him that I don't like other people, mostly just plants and animals.
I guess I make it that obvious.
Somewhere in the midst of my existence, I think I'm growing and learning.
This is all I can hope for.

Shyly

2007-07-23T14:44:00.001-05:00

It is hard to get by without a commentary:

This is not an innocent picture.

Time was stopped here,

its laws no longer consulted.

It was denied impact on the developing events,

disregarded and dishonored.

The questions abound

2007-07-12T21:51:00.000-05:00

So,
If you were sitting in your house, relaxing, the hour is moving towards 10 pm and you happen to live in a "transitional" neighborhood, such as mine where you hear loud noises on a very consistent basis and on this particular night you hear some pretty nasty sounds coming out of nowhere, but near....what would you guess it to be?
Usually, it's gun shots, this time of year, perhaps fireworks, that's the fun part trying to distinguish between the two. Added to those noises you hear unsupervised children screaming and carrying on, fighting in the street and throwing shit around. There is also the regular drone every few hours of sirens and tires screeching.
You get used to just about anything, I suppose.
Which might explain why my partner and I sat there and kind of muttered "wtf" when we heard this scraping, screeching metallic noise last night. This sound was promptly followed by my neighbor yelling up to our back window that our car had just been hit.
I ran downstairs and found a very large Chevy van attached to the front of our Volvo. Our car had been parked in front of our house but was now close to 30 feet down the street. I recognized the van as the one belonging to one of our neighbors. Said neighbor was fleeing into his apartment as I came out. My other neighbors informed me that he was trying to park and hit our car, got stuck to it, dragged it down the street and then jumped out, grabbed his beer and ran home.
I called the cops and once they arrived we explained it and they went over to his apartment. He had escaped through back door! Drunk!
I don't really understand why he ran, everyone saw him, we know who he is. He had insurance, we think, we're still waiting to hear back from them.
We lament the fact that the car wasn't totalled, as far as we can tell. Now it's just more of a pain in the ass to deal with.
All I can say is that guy is fucking lucky that it wasn't my Mazda he hit. I would have displayed a lot more violence when I saw him fleeing.
I took pictures but they don't quite do justice to the distance that he drug the car.
And he hasn't even come over to apologize. I don't even get the closure, yet, of telling him what a dumb fuck he is.
Maybe I'll get some pictures up a little later.

And, and I know I bitch about my neighborhood a lot, and you're probably saying to yourself about now, "why the hell does she live there?"
That's a good question.

**Update**
That stupid, motherfucker, cocksucking rat bastard doesn't have current insurance. This is all going to come out of our pocket. I will make his life a living hell as long as he lives across the street from me. What bullshit, now I am really pissed off.

Stella Blues

2007-07-02T20:54:00.000-05:00

Well, I did it. It's been coming, I fought it. I even posted it half-assed on Craigslist once, but deleted it.
I haven't rode the Stella in a year. It's sitting there, being wasted, I want to find someone who can physically enjoy it as much as I do in the asthetic and mental senses.Now it's for real though.
I am sad, but I know that we'll never ride off into the sunset together, the Stella and I.

In all things, you will find beauty

2007-06-27T21:13:00.000-05:00

Some Velvet Garden

2007-06-21T20:59:00.000-05:00

To quote one of my favourite songs:

Flowers are the things we knew
Secrets are the things we grew
Learn from us very much
Look at us but do not touch
Phaedra is my name (which I named my cat after)

Here are a few images from the garden. It's just starting to explode. I need to get some neighborhood garden pictures.

This year we took out all the grass in the front yard and I decided that on the front of one side I wanted to plant a butterfly/honeybee garden so we have a little field of flowers with the herbs and tomatoes behind and more flowers in the beds.

I did a lot more seeds this year and most of them have done really well so far. The wisteria was almost killed by the weird weather in April, but it's made a very excellent recovery.

Poppies, I don't have as many as last year, but what I do have seeded themselves.

You may recognize my beautiful assistant, Anya, who was also in last years pictures. In this one you can vaguely see the scar on her face. That's another story I haven't posted about as well. A later post, but briefly, we are back to one dog.

Rumi(nations)

2007-06-20T10:39:00.000-05:00

Let this window be your ear.
I have lost consciousness many times
with longing for your listening silence,
and your life-quickening smile.

There is a way between voice and presence
where information flows.
In disciplined silence it opens.
With wandering talk it closes.

Don't ask me, what you know is true

2007-05-22T20:45:00.000-05:00

I am defined by my words. Without them I am unraveled and nonsensical. To be colored inside the lines, my own lines, is very important to me, and right now, there are lines all over and they go nowhere and define nothing.
I want to send out a bottle with a very important message, but I'm not sure what it is, or if I do, then I'm somehow irrationally scared to actually say it.
Have no doubt, when I do, I'm sure that it will shake the reality of a few,
or,
perhaps not.
This is where I waver, between being something,
and being completely eclipsed by nothing.
And yet, the image still shimmers, and yet, I am still waiting for the feast, and yet, I have something to say.

For Cassie - I love this website

2007-05-04T09:26:00.000-05:00

I can haz cheezburger!

The only Zulu warrior I'd go to a Luau for

2007-04-30T14:26:00.000-05:00

Go Bjork your self

Leave your religion at the door - quotes

2007-04-26T09:24:00.000-05:00

Nine-year-old boy to friends: Don't be talking smack about Jesus. He was one of our greatest presidents!

Hip chick in black whose dog poops in street: No! No! Jesus fucking Christ! [Looks up and notices she's in front of large church.] Oops.

(My Favorite)
High school boy: He's like a fat homeless Jesus who stole a rich man's coat.

Soccer mom to another: You know, Friday nights are always a great time for Jesus.

Student on phone: All I have to say about being friends with Jesus is that unlimited fish sandwiches and wine doesn't sound like a bad deal.

Crazy guy: Praise Jesus! But stay outta my way -- I will stab you.

Girl to friend: I mean, come on -- who really cares about Jesus?

11AM How about a Compromise? One Could Be a Priest

2007-04-12T11:15:00.000-05:00

Young wife sighing: All I pray for is a gay son.
Husband: All our sons will be straight.
Young wife: Just the youngest one can be gay. I need one gay son. You won't even notice.
Husband: No, it won't happen. Costa Ricans don't have gay sons. And I want my name passed on.
Young wife: I'll wait until you go to work, then put makeup and heels on him and let him be himself. I need someone to talk to when you are gone.

The end of something, blizzards and the wrongness of my memory

2007-04-12T10:57:00.000-05:00

I was saddened to see that we lost Mr. Vonnegut yesterday. As much as I tell you this loss has affected me, I must not be that great of a fan because I got him mixed up in my head with Tom Robbins (shame) and was thinking of how much I loved his book, "Still Life with Woodpecker".
Only after thinking about the great Outlaw bits did I realize that it wasn't even his book! I'm ashamed to be mixing my authors like an amateur drinker mixing their liquors.
It adds up to many things being just a tad off today, beginning with me running around the neighborhood at 5:30 am searching for my escaped dog. I am supposed to leave for Colorado tomorrow morning, probably right around the time this possible blizzard is supposed to be at it's height. Damn, I'm torn if I should wait. I don't want to, dare I risk it?
I will leave you with this thought from Kurt, himself:

Hopefully my trip will be at the top of this chart, as much as I love Kafka, I don't want to be in a story with falling pianos and endless waits at gates that never open.

Baku and You

2007-03-29T21:04:00.000-05:00

I have details, if you're interested email me.

This is in Denver.

Rumination on being God

2007-03-21T14:38:00.000-05:00

I had almost forgot for the most part a piece of my childhood. It wasn't really a huge, glaring light in my memories, but it left it's impression.
From the time I was born until I was around 8 or so, my parents were Jehovah Witnesses, actually my mom's whole family had been, all eight children and parents. Most of them dropped out over time, but I still had a few relatives that were lingering in the Kingdom Hall mentality.
The only impact this had on me is to be completely disassociated from traditions and holiday cheer. I still, to this day could care less about most holidays and don't get all the hype. However, I LOVE my birthday and still consider it the most important day of the year.
I was reminded today after reading this article how I did actually know some completely messed up people through that group of freaks. Not all of them were, my parents never forced it down our throats and we didn't get beat. But my cousin did, many times, and if we were over at her house, we got it too. That aunt didn't let us come over as we got older since we weren't in the "cult" anymore. I laugh now when I look back and remember that people used to call me "a Jehovah", and how they didn't realize they were calling me a god.
All in all, they are just about as creepy as the Mormons, and talk about judgemental!

Apparently there are a lot of other people out there that don't care for them, and most of these people have some kind of experience with them. I truly do regret not drinking the wine, if I'm not one of the 144,000, then who the fuck is, seriously?

Here are just a few instances of crazy stuff they do, or stuff crazy people say they do:
Steal your family
For the recovering Jehovah

The beginning of the End (or the end of the Beginning)

2007-03-07T05:59:00.000-06:00

There are things that will end, that were fought for valiantly, honestly and with hope. As in every defeat there are things that are to be learned, and hopefully with the end of one thing, it will give rise to the birth of another.
The things I hope do not disappear completely:
Young people with vision and hope for a better future
Collaboration between people that want to see positive change
The possibility that a city so deeply entrenched in racial barriers from days past can overcome the divide and move forward
The things I realized yesterday were not pleasant, I am not sure that I want to pour all of my energy into an area that is so full of peoople intent on keeping the status quo which includes vacant, falling down buildings, drugs, crime, prostitution, poverty, trash, etc.
It's unfathomable to me that people can look at my neighborhood and think that it's doing well, and that current leadership has its residents best interests in mind. This being said, I'm not giving up the fight completely. I'm just going to focus on very specific problems and do what I can. What I know I will not do is invest my time or money into opening a business in this area. I own a home here and I will protect that interest, that is all.

In times of universal deceit, telling the truth will be a revolutionary act.

2007-02-27T12:28:00.000-06:00

I shouldn't be surprised, or appalled or ever so disgusted; but I am. I've been quite drawn in by some of the political stuff going on in my little area of the world. I've been on a rollercoaster of disgust for humans in general, to hope for humans and the nice little things they can do, back to a strong desire to withdraw my membership to the species.
Yet, there are some very good things coming about very soon.
I will be in Colorado in April. I haven't got the invitation out to everyone (everyone that matters, that is), but there will be a Geisha party of sorts taking place. I will give more details soon.
In a week I should have more energy and time to update my thoughts more frequently.
Hopefully the return will bring more humor, Lord Shiva knows I need it.

I'm being punked

2007-02-11T20:25:00.000-06:00

This is good, funny goodness.

Mr. Diety

Watch it.

The need to breed, and other sundry tales of self-deception

2007-02-06T09:12:00.001-06:00

I was thinking of this title last night, while sitting at home. And then, I found the article that it was for today!

I can't believe that the Washington Defense of Marriage Alliance thinks that passing Initiative 957 is going to help people who are wanting to get married that aren't a "man and a woman" partnership. They are over the top and can only be viewed as nutcases, in my book.
If you're too lazy to click the link, the initiative states that a couple must be able to prove that they can procreate before they can get married and that if they don't pop a few progeny out within three years, their marriage will be annulled.

I understand that maybe, perhaps, they are trying to force this whole union for the sake of procreation as a bunk idea, but this just seems like a loose cannon sort of way to do it.

Reasons for absenteeism

2007-01-31T08:15:00.000-06:00

It's not that I haven't been productive, actually I've got a lot done lately.
First order of business:
I got a new car. I've never had a new car, I've had "new" cars but this is a brand new car.

Uh, and I moved to San Francisco! Actually I've been putting off taking a picture of my own. Mine is exactly like this though, except the windows aren't tinted.
It has this cool part by the stereo that tells me hello (on the display everytime I turn the car on) and that red line does a flashy Knight Rider display. It makes me feel really welcome.

It also has really cool blue lighting mixed in with the red.

I'm thoroughly enjoying my new car and would recommmend the Mazda3 to anyone, especially if you like manual transmissions, as it has a lot of pick up. The automatic wasn't bad either.

It also has a place to plug my iPod right into the stereo without any need for special hook-ups.

Other things that have kept me away:
I've also been pretty involved in a local political campaign and that has taken other pieces of my time as well as energy.
I am also planning something that could be a huge change in my life, and I'm not going to say more until I know for sure, but it involves business plans and stuff like that...

All in all, I'd say this year is starting to get better, but I'm still not placing any bets.

hmmm

2007-01-22T21:11:00.000-06:00

I know I should be finishing the finance report I'm working on, but I had to throw this out into cyberspace.

Do You Know How Goddamn Sexy I Think You Are When You Clean?
It does something special to me inside. Even The Cramps agree.
Now you know the secret way to my heart.

What a bunch of fucking humanimals

2007-01-19T14:25:00.000-06:00

I will be the first to admit that I haven't always agreed with what I've seen PETA doing in the public eye. I still felt a soft spot for them because I believed their intentions were good, and their hearts in the right place.

I was wrong. It's sad that people who walk around all self-righteous about helping animals are actually disrespecting them just as much as a person who doesn't give a shit about animals.Peta is sick and they can suck my dick from now on.

New Year, New Post

2007-01-10T14:20:00.000-06:00

Dear New Year,
I don't like to be the type to complain, but let me start out by saying you could have made a better first impression. I am very well aware that there are so many expectations from people all over the world, but really, I didn't bother you by making any predictions, any resolutions and hell, I didn't even bat an eye to the departure of last year.
This being said, I have high hopes that you can improve. Seriously? You can only get better from where you started out with me. Let's try to start fresh and make ammends and try to make this year even better than the previous few. I promise to take better care of myself and my loved ones, and I'll try to only use all of your time for good and prosperous activities. I'm not going to bribe you, I'm just saying that you could be a lot kinder in the days to come.
I don't mean this as a threat but if it doesn't seem to be improving soon I'm going to switch to the Chinese New Year and never look back.
Think about it.
Sincerely,
blackpetunia

29 Things

2006-12-20T10:03:00.000-06:00

I'm almost a week into this new age of mine. I've been trying it on for size, seeing if it feels any different. Mostly, it doesn't. Here are some things that may or may not be related to aging another year, but that I've forced myself to notice.

1. I finally understand the phrase "Don't mix your alcohols".
2. I really don't get carded anymore, regardless of who I'm with.
3. I consider myself to be more serious about the activities I'm involved in and don't think about running away from the stress of responsibility.
4. I don't mind that I'm in the Midwest, for now.
5. My animals bring me endless amounts of joy, maybe not having children gives me more time for this.
6. I find it easier not to take things as personally and realize that other people have issues of their own that they battle with, it's not all just me.
7. Recognition for my hard work is nice, but not required.
8. I really miss having my family in my daily life.
9. I'm beginning to accept that some of my dreams are not feasible, and yet in some ways much more possible now that I don't have the hardcore attitude of being worthless if they don't happen.
10. Lists like this are harder because I want to be as honest with myself as possible.
11. My cynicism is aging like a fine wine.
12. I'm also more apt to know when it's not appropriate to share it with just anyone.
13. I'm really bored with just having a job, paying the bills should be secondary.
14. I am not going to quit my job just because I'm bored. I have a plan.
15. I'm still scared to take the risks necessary to make my plan reality.
16. I can actually come home and not feel like I need to clean, all night, every night.
17. Dilaram and I have been together 6 times as long as I've ever been with anyone, and it still feels like just the beginning.
18. I am looking forward to laughing with Cassie about all this when we're old.
19. Unlike Cassie, I'm not really feeling bad about getting older.
20. Twenty seems like more than just a decade ago.
21. Riding the bus isn't so bad, with and iPod.
22. This coming year I will master my scooter riding skills, and then no one will ever see me again, just me and the scooter, riding into the sunset.
23. I still want to elope to Iceland, someday.
24. I hope that someday isn't a decade away.
25. As much as I want to help make the world a better place, I don't like being involved in politics.
26. I think the most effective way to influence change is by planting gardens(for me) physically and metaphorically.
27. Focus, I need more of it.
28. I may never get to see an elephant or whale in the wild, and this makes me more and more sad.
29. I'm going to make the last year in my twenties count.

Now is the winter of our discontent.

2006-12-15T09:57:00.000-06:00

Many people might misinterpret this phrase. It actually means: The time of unhappiness is past. It means that the things that have made us sad are sleeping in the cold ground.
Like Shakespeare, I may be misinterpreted, or even not understood. I like to think of myself as fairly straight forward, but that's all in my own head, anyway. The duality to this is that I secretly feel like I am a character in a foreign film, one in which most people do not know the language, and there is an incomprehensible plot. When the film ends, you are left wondering what just happened, and why, maybe you even find yourself feeling slightly existential in the sense that you just fell into a rabbit hole of nonsensical rhymes and non-meanings.
Maybe not.
Either way, I turned 29 at 7:47 this morning and I feel happy that I made it another year.

One Holiday, on the rocks, shaken

2006-12-11T22:17:00.000-06:00

It's been awhile, and yet, I have no apologies or excuses. Instead I will attempt to fill the void that I am sure many people felt in my absence, with pictures.

We had a good, exhausting time in Colorado. I hate to even say this anymore: we never have enough time. It's always gut-wrenchingly hectic. The only good thing about the pace is it's a great excuse to drink more.

Here are a few images from Turkey day vacation:

We were really quite lucky with the timing of our trip since the day after we got back storms began to brew. On Thursday we had a pretty serious ice storm, which also had it's benefits:

Ode

2006-12-07T09:18:00.000-06:00

A beautiful friend
Entered my life 15 years ago.
I somehow always knew that we'd be friends
now, even now
when she believes she is getting old.
I think we are still so young,
in many ways.
And have so many years yet to fill
with our friendship and our lives, well lived.

Love to you, my friend.

What are you doing on December 22nd?

2006-11-20T11:49:00.000-06:00

Perhaps it's a bit early for you to answer that. No matter. This is something nearly everyone could spare five minutes to do, and they'll probably be doing it anyway. Literally. You can do it alone or with a partner, but please, don't do it with the family pets.

It won't hurt you, unless you want it to

AlphaBetaZeta

2006-11-16T22:47:00.000-06:00

I'm playing around with this new layout. I like the new beta blogger features, and recommend it, but also warn potential users that you will spend most of your blogging time playing with it and never actually post anything. I'm breaking that cycle though. One thing that may or may not be helpful for those interested, the picture feature seems to be no better on the beta version.
Things have been going well enough in my corner. I am getting ready to come out to Colorado next week, and feel the usual mounting excitement that comes with that until I have to deal with trying to find time to see everyone. It will be good to see the mountains again, either way. And family and friends.

Tonight I brought home another German Shepherd named Zeta, for a trial period to see if she will fit into our family. A coworker propositioned me at the end of the day. She's a very beautiful dog. She makes Anya look like a little midget and not nearly as wolf like as I used to think.

There are things brewing in the near future that I'm not going to talk about just yet, but if they work out, there will be many changes ahead. Good ones. Changes That Do Not, I repeat, Do Not involve child bearing or anything of that nature.

It's that time of the month again...

2006-11-13T09:29:00.000-06:00

I've been waiting for this

2006-11-10T09:34:00.000-06:00

Mark always makes me smile. I was going to do a nice long post about how I felt the veil of darkness being lifted just a little bit from our daily conciousness, in this country. I never really got around to it though. Nevertheless, it does feel happier, lighter and more hopeful the past few days. Perhaps it's all my perception, but it was what a lot of people needed. The shifting and swinging of a pendulum.
We can hope, right?
My sentiments, exactly

Super-hero of domesticity or work of art?

2006-11-07T15:25:00.000-06:00

Cassie was good enough to animate part of my closet door story. She had recommended that I comment on some of the features but I think I'll leave it to the imagination. The only thing I will add is that I SO wish they made size 3-U.S. Docs for adults.

A perception of doors - the conundrum

2006-10-30T20:57:00.000-06:00

This post should also be titled, my stupid, fucking closet doors, but I'm trying to cut back on my profanity.

Months and months ago I began to plan a new look for the closet doors in our bedroom.
When we moved in last year one of the things at the top of my list of what I hated about the house were these doors. I didn't take a good before picture, but they looked almost exactly like this,

except they had awful dirty-white plastic knobs.

I felt like I was sleeping in a h/motel everytime I looked at them.

The only solution was Deconstruction. We ripped all the louver-things out first.

Then I painted them black.

At this point, I began the true "learning experience" phase. I picked out a fabric that I thought would work out well and spent the past two weeks finding the best way to get it to stay on there. In the middle I ran out of fabric and felt like sticking a few of the de-louvered planks through my forehead when I couldn't find more of the same fabric. Luckily, I did.

So here is what they look like now, they're not perfect, but I'm going to let them sit there and grow on me. See, the sad thing is last weekend when I went to Illinois to get more fabric I found all these really awesome fabrics with asian designs and now I have a totally new and improved vision in my mind. Anyway, for now, I'm done.

Now that they're done, I Really want to paint my room. Yellow sucks.

~Special message for Thisandthat~ I am fully aware that this post does nothing to dispell your belief in my Martha Stewart-like tendencies.

Saint Louis is Number 1! Yay, oh, wait....

2006-10-30T14:48:00.000-06:00

Since I've received a few emails from family and friends that are obviously worried about my safety and well-being I decided to comment on the new list that came out. "Most Dangerous Cities"

Firstly,
this list is only taking into account the City of Saint Louis ( I'm sure this is applied to all the other cities too). St. Louis only has a population of about 330K in the city. However, the outlying suburbs rack up 980K, almost a million people! So the study was based on crimes per capita, I don't really see it as quite fair that the city is taking the blame just because almost 2/3 of the population doesn't technically live in the city. Anyone who knows much about the way things are run in St. Louis City vs. St. Louis County knows how screwed up the whole city/county border war is. I'm not going to get too deep into this part.

Secondly,
I live in one of the most dangerous neighborhoods right now. At our meeting last week our Neighborhood Stabilization Officer told us that we were somewhere near 2nd - and that our murder rate has increased 300% percent since last year! Sounds fucking scary, doesn't it? Well, to elaborate, the murder rate was 2 last year and this year we've had 6. So, yeah, 300%. That puts things in perspective. I still walk my dog in my neighborhood and have yet to get shot.

And,
that is what truly makes this whole report akin to public defamation in what to me is an unfair statistic.
Then again, it isn't the best, and I did feel way safer when I lived in Oregon and Colorado.

Which brings me to my final thought: I remember awhile back a very heated discussion on Cassie's blog about NYC, and how damn dangerous it is. How it's so much safer in the Midwest. So I thought I'd extract a few interesting examples from the list for amusement. Keep in mind the list is numbered as #1 - the safest to #371 - the worst(St. Louis)

371. St. Louis
356. Kansas City, Mo.
342. Kansas City, Kan. ( I found it interesting the KCK is safer?!)
303. Denver
262. Seattle
249. Portland, Ore.
148. Sioux City, Iowa
145. New York City

Wait....is that right? Sioux City, IA is more dangerous than NYC??
hmmm....apparently this list does not have anything to do with the danger of running into a drag queen at 3 in the morning on the subway, or any other scary culture for that matter....
The other thought that came to my mind was the irony of the city just winning the game and then this report coming out, like someone didn't want the city to get to cocky about being good at something, anything, other than killin, rapin and stealin.

Only it's a fairly chilly October night, other than that, times don't change that much

2006-10-26T21:07:00.000-05:00

It's now time for a little Chinaski

ground zero

the consensus is that this is a difficult time,
perhaps the most difficult of times:
large groups of people in cities
all over the world are
protesting that they'd rather not be
treated like shit.

but whoever's in control
will not listen.

the suggestion is that, of course, it's
only one power fighting another power
and the real power, of course, is in the hands
of the few who run the nations
and their need is to protect those many things
that belong to them.

it is conceivable that these few rulers
will escape
when the final eruption begins;
they will escape to their safe havens
where they will watch
the eruption to its finish,
and then after a reasonable wait
they will return
again and
will begin building
a new ridiculous and grossly
unfair future.

which, to me, is not a very
happy thought
as I crack open a can of beer
on a hot
July night.

C. Bukowski(who else?)

I'll drink to that...

A Tangible Presence

2006-10-18T10:42:00.000-05:00

Today the air outside is close, you can feel the mist and almost, out of the corner of your eye, see it. It is like walking in a cloud, but you can only tell that you are by looking in the distance. Up close it is not discernable, which causes everything to take on a surreal fuzziness. In this smudged reality things ironically grow sharper, in my mind. It makes my own existence a little more tangible. I am able to see myself in the distance, as a fog, and with this little piece of enlightenment I can stop looking at each small speck, grasping so desperately to see the specks for what they are, and realize that I am in the midst of it.
Today, the atmosphere gave me a gift of myself.

In not so many words

2006-10-11T20:47:00.000-05:00

Ok, before my garden was totally dead I took some pictures yesterday morning with the help of my lovely German assistant, Anya.

(As you can see in this picture, the street surrounding us is still somewhat blighted looking, this is after many days, over and over cleaning up the debris left by others)

Dilaram and I built this wall with our own bare hands, that was probably the most labor intensive part, that and stupidly hauling BAGS of dirt from Home Cheapo, instead of having a truckload delivered.

You can almost see the arbor that has wisteria growing on it, in the background is the completely voracious cannas.

This part was full of zinnias and poppies in the early summer, now the elephant ears actually have room to grow. In the background is what survived of my herb garden, I actually found a bunch of basil when I cleaned out all the zinnias last month. One thing I learned this year, stupid lemon grass, I will not plant it as part of an herb garden ever again. It gets it's own little corner next time.

Here is the truly amazing blossom of one of the elephant ears, I never knew they did this....

Phaedra wanted to have the last word here, because while she didn't help with the garden she pretty much played the part of the foreman screaming from the window the whole time.
As far as my neighborhood garden and the empty threat of Gorn, well that will have to wait for now, it's not DONE yet.

Cassie, how did you get this bear all the way out here from Gabors?

2006-10-04T13:00:00.000-05:00

I found this really funny, UNTIL I saw that stupid wildlife lady shooting bean bags at the bear. What the hell, the bear is drunk, you want to torment it?
I have had friends like that....

Too much Fat Tire with the Cassinator

And on World Animal Day no less!

Daily grinding

2006-10-03T10:26:00.000-05:00

I am finally beginning to relax from the whirlwind of the past month. As I was used to asking the customers, "How would you like that ground?", my life would have answered for Espresso; heart-thumpingly quick and strong.
Now, things are becoming more like something you'd brew in your percolator over a camp fire. Ok, maybe not that laid back, but still, much more breathable. Naturally I have found other time occupiers, but things like gardening with my neighbors and walking the dog, it's just different.
I love this time of year, and I am glad that I can stop awhile to enjoy it. Coincidentally, just after I let go of the coffee shop job, my partner got a promotion at work, so it all evens out in the end, perhaps even more so.
That's all for now, oh, and this:

Three Oddest Words

When I pronounce the word Future,
the first syllable already belongs to the past.

When I pronounce the word Silence,
I destroy it.

When I pronounce the word Nothing,
I make something no nonbeing can hold.

EXPERIMENT

As a short subject before the main feature -
in which the actors did their best
to make me cry and even laugh -
we were shown an interesting experiment
involving a head.

The head
a minute earlier was still attached to...
but now it was cut off.
Everyone could see that it didn't have a body.
The tubes dangling from the neck hooked it up to a machine
that kept its blood circulating.
The head
was doing just fine.

Without showing pain or even surprise,
it followed a moving flashlight with its eyes.
It pricked up its ears at the sound of a bell.
Its moist nose could tell
the smell of bacon from odorless oblivion,
and licking its chops with evident relish
it salivated its salute to physiology.

A dog's faithful head,
a dog's friendly head
squinted its eyes when stroked,
convinced that it was still part of a whole
that crooks its back if patted
and wags its tail.

I thought about happiness and was frightened.
For if that's all life is about,
the head
was happy.
(both by Wisława Szymborska)

The Devil is in the details, in other words, he'd never be caught dead in That tie!

2006-09-27T12:09:00.000-05:00

Please read this fine comparison and see the light

AND

a Refutation

Fuck this, Fuck that, oh, and fuck that other thing too

2006-09-21T13:43:00.000-05:00

As I grow older am I much more able to recognize my immaturity and the grooves that it's worn down in my personality. I am also much quicker to anger, but in my mind it's for good reason, and not just silly little things like stealing my shirt or something.
Perhaps it's because I'm to the point where I can see bullshit coming from a lot further out, and I am not as tolerant of it, and try to keep it out of my life as much as possible.
It might also be that I'm just a bitch. Or maybe an elitist. Or maybe a separatist. Or maybe arrogant to a fault.
I might be all of these things, but that is not all, and the things that are part of that "not all" are why I am that way in the first place.
If I were merely a color right now, I would be the color of a bruise that still hurts after two weeks.

Landscapes of peril and moments of reflection

2006-09-19T13:43:00.000-05:00

I have been insanely busy as of late, and find myself needing to just release all the tension. It's not quite time yet, but soon, I hope.
I have one more motorcycle class before I have my endorsement. I have to pass the test next Sunday, but things are going well, so I shouldn't have a problem. Last Sunday we rode for about 5 hours. It was so very tiring that I came home and promptly passed out for most of the night. Between working and class and animals, I have not had much time to reflect on what shape my life has been taking on. On the immediate horizon I see much more freedom once I can legally and more confidently traverse the city on my scooter, and that makes me happy.
I am also seriously considering taking time off from the coffee shop, or just quitting it altogether. This is one of my only points of procrastination, because part of me doesn't want to quit, but the balance is tipping towards being able to have more of a personal life.
I have a steady dj gig, and possibly another one in the works. This of all the things I've been doing was something I did not foresee or plan on. I seemed to fall into it, and it's also the source of the most satisfaction for me as far as "job" stuff goes. If I got paid for it, it'd be even cooler....
I am hoping to make a trip to Colorado soon, in the next few months, I think. I really want to be able to spend some time with my father and family and friends, and my father, did I say that?

These are all good things, and I am trying to focus on these hopes instead of the dirty house and lack of time and sicknesses and pain and worlds falling apart.
And that, has been my most signifigant accomplishment lately. The word for today is hope, glad I haven't lost it.

Oh, and my wisteria is blooming!
(This isn't a picture of mine)

strange behavior, such as blasphemous screaming, convulsive seizures, trance

2006-09-18T11:01:00.000-05:00

This is the result of what happens when I google "my life".
(actually, it was something more like blaspheming in french or something.) Which is quite appropriate these days.

Six 2 Nine and unapologetic for shameless self-promotion

2006-09-14T09:42:00.000-05:00

Kind of like 5 to 1, except we got the tunes, baby. I great friend of mine made this little flier for me.

It's not like most of the people that read this can come anyway, but you should if you can.

The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated.

2006-09-13T08:43:00.000-05:00

The wrong person is persecuted, not that this is uncommon.
But, if you were to see this dog, would you find yourself thinking the criminal is the lady who helped, or the owners who did nothing - except create the situation and then neglect it?
This has made today a very strong "dislike humans and their bullshit bureaucracy" day.
I'm going to go throw up now.

little quotes

2006-09-05T09:28:00.000-05:00

MOTTO
In the dark times
Will there also be singing?
Yes, there will be singing
About the dark times.
~Bertolt Brecht

Some people are raised on a hill, others in the valley. Most of us are brought up on the flat. I came at life at an angle, and that's how I've lived ever since. (J. Winterson)

Swimming houses, Dutch ingenuity and my very own clubhouse

2006-09-01T08:38:00.000-05:00

No exactly Toad Hollow but still very cool

This could be a nice addition to my other future home. Now all I have to do is figure out how to get Dutch and Canadian citizenship and enough money to buy the houses and the land, that's not that hard, right?

Ach! I feel like such a bad partner

2006-08-30T11:57:00.000-05:00

I missed my own Anniversary!
By a week!
Happy belated One Year, dear blog of mine.

The truth is what you believe

2006-08-25T10:50:00.000-05:00

I've started so many posts this past week.
Some didn't really make it because they were not that interesting, and I lost interest before I finished them. Sometimes I really did have a good thing going, but blogger acted like a spoiled child who couldn't have it's way.
For instance, I saw this a few days ago:
Pup in a pouch

I tried to think of clever things to say, but really it all ran out the side of my head and I realized that it's boring to write about people who carry their little pseudo-dogs strapped to their hip-sacks.
It's not that my life is a boring place, I have so much to do everyday that I usually only spend time online when I'm needing a break from thinking about my life.
It could be due to the fact that I now have an espresso machine on my desk at work and am so wired that I don't surf the web as much because I'm actually working.
Also, I have found the news to be quite droll lately, and even what used to amuse me just leaves me tepid and brain-numb these days.
Perhaps it's that I'm getting older, more jaded and complacent with my station in life. My friend Steph would say it's my Saturn return.
Whatever it is, I think one thing is certain, I crave inspiration.
That and maybe a bunch of cocaine so that I'll be sure to be awake for the moment when it hits me.

Two Turn Tables, no microphone

2006-08-15T12:32:00.000-05:00

Last night went really well, I think. I got over my jitters about an hour through my set and started to enjoy it. It gave me the desire to have my own equipment and to do something more creative than just popping cds in. If I did pursue this I would want to do some stuff with vinyl.
All in all it was fun. I don't know if I'll be asked back to this place, but I'll be talking to the owner soon.
I had many friends show up, some I didn't even invite personally! Thank you to everyone who came...

Proving that I'm not just a "Goth"

2006-08-11T12:26:00.000-05:00

We sailed last night, for Singapore

2006-08-09T20:32:00.000-05:00

They WERE all mad as hatters there....
I wasn't able to get any pictures of the show, they were total nazis about everything involving the concert. After the fiasco with the tickets, it was only a matter of what else could go wrong.
Which, once Darla got to Memphis, not much did. It was a really awesome trip.
The concert was one of the best I've been to.
And Cassie?
He made a joke about your last name, ask me about it sometime...
On Saturday we did the drive by tour of most of the attractions, mostly without stopping. Graceland, Stax Records, The Civil Rights Museum, Sun Studios. We didn't have time to actually stop and get out as we had serious drinking to do. As does just about everyone we saw in Memphis.
I ended up liking Memphis, in a way. It was not at all what I anticipated, and hell, they drink like fish, how could I not?
I'll end this overdue post with a few pictures since I have to put together my self-promotion post soon.

In lieu of the weekend tales of drinking and debauchery

2006-08-07T21:14:00.000-05:00

"Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't
make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it
translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything
spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not
spiritual. You're just high."

*DISCLAIMER*
This reminded me of something Cassie WOULD SAY. Not something I would say to or about Cassie. All persons intended to be the receivers of this message are purely fictional, any and/or all similarities to real life characters are completely coincidental...

Caffeine & Fags hate TicketMiser*

2006-08-01T13:04:00.000-05:00

No, I'm not talking about the cafe that flamboyant denizens frequent.
I'm refering to my date at the Orpheum on Friday night. Although Ticketmaster tried to thwart this, we were able to procure two more tickets in spite of them. We found out yesterday that what will now and forever more be referred to the corporate conglomerate - TicketMiser - cancelled one of our orders. We were only allowed to buy two tickets at a time. So we did it twice, we received two confirmations, and all was fine. But as the credit card statement pointed out; they had, with no notice to us, refunded one order. When we called them they said that in the fine print they reserve the right to cancel any order.
There are many suspicious things about what they told us, because on Ebay there were quite a few people that were able to purchase well over two tickets - more like 5 even - with no problem. I am not sure what TicketMiser is up to, but they are surely screwing people over by cancelling tickets and selling blocks of them to ticket brokers after the show sells out, at which point they make twice as much money.
I'm not sure if this is the case, but it's very fishy.
Never the less, we will be going to the show with our friends. So screw you TicketMiser, you monopolizing fiend.

*Please note that the title of this post is not aimed at CaffX, this is actually a reference to a great movie that Mr. Waits was in - "Coffee and Cigarettes"

Stella, my stella

2006-07-27T08:42:00.000-05:00

Yesterday I purchased a blue Stella. I was completely unaware that they were discontinuing these scooters in the US. Apparently amidst all my online research I missed that part. So, I feel lucky I got one. The only two left at the Vespa shop were pink and blue. There was a used orange one, but I wanted a new one.
So, until I have picture of my own, here is a sample.
I have much learning to do.

Free if child locked inside

2006-07-25T13:22:00.000-05:00

I just found out I can get financed for a scooter.
My first choice is the Stella, and then a Vespa. The Vespas cost more, but if I got the lowest one, I might be able to afford it.
Feast your eyes below, and let me know which you like.
I really like the red Stella, but I like the black too...

Red Stella

Black Stella

Green Stella

Black Vespa

Plum Vespa

Apollo has smiled upon us...

2006-07-22T11:00:00.000-05:00

We have electricity again!

The irony being, today is beautiful out, in the 80s with little humidity. We are lucky, many people are still out.

This is turning into the blog of tragedies....

2006-07-20T12:55:00.000-05:00

Last night a pretty bad storm came through the city of the Arch. Our neighborhood got hit pretty bad. We have one large Sycamore tree behind our house that has numerous large branches broken and dangling over what remains of the power lines. The transformer boxes began exploding first and then the wind knocked a very large branch down which took the power lines down in our alley. We have no power and the wires were sparking last night, trying to ignite the tree, luckily the rain that had lashed down subdued it somewhat. When I tried to call 911, it was busy the first ten times. When I finally got a hold of an operator, they said unless the tree was on fire at that moment they'd make their way to our place when they could..the only good thing about this is that I was actually at the store at the time the storm hit - otherwise our car would be part of the branch/wire sculpture in the back yard.
So we spent a steamy night in our house and today it's supposed to get to about 102 - with heat index(humidity) it's going to feel like 115. I'm considering evacuating the animals and humans from the house to an air-conditioned haven. It's supposed to storm more tonight, so maybe it'll cool off, then...
it's just waiting for electricity to come back, which at this point with over 500,000 people out, it'll probably be a few days.
oh so fun.
It looks like a tornado hit the street next to us. Very sad, all the trees are snapped and mangled and one of the charming old buildings on the corner lost part of its top.
If anyone is interested in what's being said you can google the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, or just the storm in St. Louis. or go here: We're not even in Kansas
signing out from my thankfully air-conditioned office.
b.p.

Addendum:
We will not be getting our electric back for at least five days, they say. We will be evacuating to more temperate climes at our friends, with the whole farm in tow.
They are saying the winds that whipped through last night were clocked at 92 mph. A veritable land-hurricane we had.

This is me, hyperventilating...

2006-07-14T09:53:00.000-05:00

THE ONE AND ONLY TOM WAITS TO HIT THE ROAD!

THE ONE AND ONLY TOM WAITS TO HIT THE ROAD IN AN UNPRECEDENTED STRING OF DATES IN THE SOUTH AND MID-WEST THROUGH CITIES HE HASN’T PLAYED IN DECADES BEGINNING AUGUST 1 IN ATLANTA

Iconoclast and reclusive touring artist TOM WAITS is making an unprecedented move by taking his always unpredictably stunning live show on the road, mostly in cities (Atlanta, Memphis, Louisville, Nashville) where he hasn’t been seen on stage since the mid-to-late ‘70s. As for Asheville, NC, Tom has never played a gig; he hasn’t performed in Akron, OH or Detroit since the ‘80s. The most recent stop on this extraordinary tour is Chicago, where Waits played the Chicago Theater for three sold out nights on his "Mule Variations" tour in ‘99.

"We need to go to Tennessee to pick up some fireworks, and someone owes me money in Kentucky," says Waits about why he’s chosen this particular time and route to tour.

When this two-time Grammy-winner last performed live in 2004, tickets sold out in hours, if not minutes. His most recent live date in London sold out in 30 minutes, with over 150,000 ticket requests received within the first hour. Waits’ three previous North American concerts (two in Vancouver, Canada and one in Seattle) were also snapped up in record time.

"His concert was a nostalgic trip through freak shows, murder ballads, and ruminations on lost love," wrote Charles R. Cross in Rolling Stone after 2004 performance at Seattle’s Paramount Theater. "He didn’t so much sing these songs as he wheezed, whistled, and shouted them, shaking his fist like a craps player on a roll. Mining his recent Real Gone - Waits created a world of haunting characters adrift in a bygone age."

In other news, Paste magazine has just issued its collector’s edition citing the "100 Best Living Songwriters,"with Tom Waits and Kathleen Brennan (longtime co-writer, co-producer and wife) clocking in at #4. According to Paste, "In literature, only a handful of writers have pulled off the near impossible. In music, it happens on every Tom Waits recording."

Tour dates are as follows:
08/01
Atlanta GA Tabernacle
08/02
Asheville NC Thomas Wolfe Auditorium
08/04
Memphis TN Orpheum Theatre
08/05
Nashville TN Ryman Auditorium
08/07
Louisville KY Palace Theatre
08/09
Chicago IL Auditorium Theatre
08/11
Detroit MI Opera House
08/13
Akron OH Akron Civic

Look for local ads in the regional papers for on sale dates. The first show in Atlanta goes on sale July 8.

2006-07-12T15:05:00.000-05:00

I had to move that picture further down, it was so absoludicrously ugly. So, here are some pretties:

Out of touch, and finally happy about it

2006-07-11T13:56:00.000-05:00

In my daily browsing of the internet I finally came across a subject that I couldn't leave unposted on.
I'm not sure how or why I've never heard of this, but I'm a bit puzzled.

Grillz?
My first reaction is, a really big WTF?
My second reaction is, this is real?
Yes, people will pay hundreds of dollars to wear jewelry on their teeth.
I had to look it up since the state of Texas is talking about banning it, along with earlobe stretching, in their schools.
I thought, ok, anything they'll ban in Texas can't be that bad, right?

Chew on this, sucker

Oh, no, it's much worse than you or I thought. Didn't anybody tell these people what they look like? Could they not afford mirrors after spending all their money on their bling. And for that matter, I never really knew that the "bling" thing was specific to shiny objects, but this is probably one of the original references.

I remember when we used to want to pretend to wear retainers and bend paper clips to fit in our mouths, sometimes we would do it with rubber bands. Once you get poked in the gums a few times you realize that it's pretty stupid, and you quit doing it.

I'm at a loss, this discovery just erased about 3 years worth of brain cells and I feel that my typing skills may be damaged.

Portmanteau Present Day: THEY'VE BREACHED THE HULL!

2006-06-23T11:37:00.000-05:00

In light of things that happened as mentioned in my last post I have been having a pretty shitty life the past week. I've been getting by though, and in spite of us ending up with -$$$ in our bank after the tests for Bosch, we made it through most of the week ok. I'm working a lot at the coffee shop to try to make some extra money and do not have a day off for almost three weeks.
I was beginning to feel the weight of everything dissipating from my shoulders, until last night.
I will preface what I'm about to relate by mentioning that 2 weeks ago our lawnmower and weed-wacker were stolen from our back yard. It was some kind of serial-landscaping-crime spree taking place in our alley, I found out. 4 of our neighbors also had yard related stuff stolen from them in the space of a few days. I was pretty disgusted, but still thought to myself: "it could be worse, they could be breaking into our house, or something".
Last night when we got home our back gate was W I D E open, I felt my stomach drop remembering that sight from when I came home to the missing lawnmower.
Initially everything looked them same, nothing missing in the yard. I checked the lower door going to the basement and it was open! It had been forced open. The deadbolt being ripped from the concrete wall and frame lying shredded on the floor. I still did not see anything really missing. I was completely freaked out at this point. We had the cops come, filed a report, they even sent a crime unit over to try for fingerprints, which they didn't get.
The first thing I worried about was the fact that we have a cat door on the door going down to the basement and I had to inventory the kitties, they were all there.
All in all, it looks as though the only damage was the door which we have barricaded by screwing 2x4s into the door until we can replace it.
Strangely they did not take anything from the basement, there was a lawnmower we borrowed from a neighbor, Phil's kid-Harley, a bike, tools, my ballet clothes, a fish tank, tons of stuff! not even touched! The most lucky thing is that we had a dead bolt on the door leading up to the main floor, AND that we have a big vicious sounding german shepherd that probably tried to bite the rat-bastards heads off.

When does the shitty-life-experiences marathon end? I need off this boat.

Portmanteau

2006-06-23T09:34:00.000-05:00

Retrospective:

We had a really good time in KC with friends. There was something for everyone, drinks, hot tubs, spanking, music, bruschetta, underage lesbians, hulahooping, rain and strawberries. The only thing we didn’t get to do that I wanted to do was the Nelson-Atkins. That will have to be another trip in itself. On Sunday evening we had the pleasure of seeing the Legendary Pink Dots. All the Dots were great, but the venue sucked. At first sight, it seemed quite cool – the newly renovated Grand Emporium, which is one of the oldest bar/music venues in KC. It was quite different than the old dive – almost sterile really, but kind of sleek. Sadly once the music started so did the rattling of the ventilation system that they left exposed to look arty, or something. Through the whole concert unless you were within 15 feet of the stage, the rattling became an annoying distraction from their music. I am not at all impressed with the new Grand Emporium. If they are promoting themselves as a place to have shows they really need to work out the sound issues. Anyhow, the concert was awesome. Afterwards Niels Van Hoorn came out, as he usually does, and co-mingles with the audience. We talked to him until the bar kicked everyone out. My friend Stephanie told him to call us as they were coming through St. Louis the next night and would be staying there before going to Chicago (they weren’t playing in St. Louis). Niels said he would, but we just laughed it off as improbable.
We got back to St. Louis Monday afternoon pretty tired and were just relaxing at home, at which point I noticed our cat, Bosch, was looking a bit thin. Nothing too alarming but I decided to take him to the vet the next day for a check-up. Around 8 that night Stephanie called us to say that Niels had phoned and wanted to have dinner.
We ended up having dinner with Niels, Martin and their friend Guido who isn’t in the band but was touring with them. It was a really fun night, somewhat surreal; it felt like hanging out with friends, not strangers that we had recently met. We didn’t get home until three that morning.
The next day I took Bosch to the vet, as he was seeming weak and was starting to worry me. The vet informed me that Bosch was really sick and wanted to run test on his blood, do x-rays and keep him over night. I let him do the tests but took him home so I could take care of him. At this point he was getting weaker and really looking bad. I couldn’t understand how he could so suddenly seem so sick. The vet thought that he might have feline leukemia, regardless of the fact he had already been vaccinated for it. Unfortunately none of the test results would be back until the following afternoon. I tried feeding him and it did not seem to help. I waited about two hours after we got home and then decided to take him to the emergency pet hospital the vet told me about. Bosch at this point couldn’t really hold his head up on his own. He seemed to be breathing heavily and his eyes kept loosing focus. I was starting to panic inside. I don’t really want to go into the last few hours of that night, so I will end this by saying that we decided to let the doctor put Bosch to sleep. It was really awful, just writing this I feel like I might break again. He was the sweetest, softest kitty and it broke my heart to have to say goodbye so soon to him, and I can only hope that we did the best thing for him.
The outcome is that he did not have anything contagious and my other cats are in the clear, that was the only relief to come from the whole thing.

To Be Cont’d….

Proof of Origin

2006-06-09T13:55:00.000-05:00

Women are from Zorkon 9

I love Mark Morford

A birds eye look at my life

2006-06-07T11:59:00.000-05:00

This weekend I am going to Kansas City for a few things that I'm pretty excited about:

Art
and
Music
in addition I'll be able to hang out with some friends that I haven't seen for awhile and most likely drink, eat and be merry. I've been working on the yard and house and other stuff that this little mini-vacation will be a nice break.
I will try to post some pictures, for real this time, of the garden and the progress that we've made this past week. Finally have some herbs planted, including three kinds of basil. I will be able to go into the pesto business by the end of the summer if it all does well and doesn't get stolen by rat-bastard thieves.

I read the news today....

2006-06-01T11:58:00.000-05:00

oh shit
Today is not so different from any other day
But somehow the sight of Stealth bombers flying above me while taking a smoke break made it feel worse.
Closer, more real. These things, they are happening right now, in my/our/your world.
People are building walls to keep people out, shooting each other, civil war, nuclear war, choosing who you can marry, telling us when we can have children, to stop thinking and shut-up, they know best. I tried looking for something uplifting, something of hope and sadly even poor Sir Paul is having a bad time of it these days.

Grande Cafe Mocha? $7.50
geranium babies
morality in 30 days?
troubled places

I did find one place you can find happier things:
some good animal stories

I am thinking that this time in history should really be spawning some amazing creativity. Isn't that how it works? In times of strife and hardship artists are inspired more by the human condition and it's will to persevere?
I sure as fuck hope so.

Ugh

2006-05-24T10:30:00.000-05:00

I am reminded of a movie that I watched years ago called "The Believers" with Martin Sheen. In this movie a woman wakes up with a huge pustule type thing on her cheek, she tries to squeeze it and these ants or spiders start coming out. I can't remember which. I was so creeped out by it that I'm not even going to look it up - I've had nightmares for years about that happening to me.
And now, I read this.
I started reading more about this virtually unknown/unexplainable disease - Morgellons Disease, they have a website for it.
I am so creeped out, the first time I read about this was a few weeks ago on Drudge Report where they were talking about a community in Texas where over 100 people have it.
What the hell is it? Why is it happening?
Oh, I know nightmares are going to ensue...

Black_petunia recommends tattoos for Loco

2006-05-17T08:30:00.000-05:00

The noise of the moment scoffs at the music of the Eternal.

2006-05-09T11:14:00.000-05:00

From Rabindranath Tagore:

The infant flower opens its bud and cries, "Dear World, please do not fade."

In my solitude of heart I feel the sigh of this widowed evening veiled with mist and rain.

In death the many becomes one; in life the one becomes many. Religion will be one when God is dead.

To be outspoken is easy when you do not wait to speak the complete truth.

I have dipped the vessel of my heart into this silent hour; it has filled with love.

The false can never grow into truth by growing in power.

More of his works

Although I have always been more drawn to Rumi
and Omar Khayyam today I found meaning in some of his words.

A little late

2006-05-04T10:34:00.000-05:00

But still a commemorative is in order.
I found this really cool site:
Radiating Places - A Requiem of a Special Kind
I found the pictures hauntingly beautiful and sad, and well done.

Red indicates the extent of the radiation cloud on April 27, just after the accident in Chernobyl. Blue, indicates its almost worldwide distribution until the 6th of May.

The Bare Facts
Explosion, 26/04/1986, Chernobyl, USSR
Origin of accident - Explosion
Industry - General Chemicals Manufacture
Activity / unit - Process
Year - 1986
Date - 26/04/1986
Location - Chernobyl
Country - USSR
Products involved - Nuclear
Number of deaths - 31
Number of injuries - 299
Number of evacuated - 135,000

The Conclusion?
Read for yourself

How many people live near areas where this could happen?

This is by no means an anti-nuclear power post, but I do believe we can be more educated and learn from the past, to not forget. To forget something like this would be really, really stupid.

ha ha

2006-04-28T14:19:00.000-05:00

This is from "Overheard in New York":

Street Preacher: Have you found Jesus?!
Guy #1: Why? Did you lose him?
Street Preacher: Have you found your Lord, our Savior, Jesus Christ?
Guy #2: Next time, try using better fucking nails!

Sixteen Men on a Dead Man's Chest

2006-04-26T06:00:00.000-05:00

I am officially taking suggestions to rid my yard of vermin. For the past 3 days I have been afflicted with a flower picking type A vermin.

Day One:
All but two of my tulips disappeared.
The lilies are all gone.

Day Two:
The remaining tulips are stolen, in addition one of my daffodils that might have been a narcissus - I think, as well as some of the grape hyacinths and assorted annuals.

Day Three:
TBD

What can I do? I've considered the following - setting up an intricate web of invisible lasers that surround the flower beds, the kind you can only see if you blow powder into the air, in the dark- which immediately terminates any "visitors".
Posting signs that threaten bodily harm and law enforcement. Jolly Roger flags placed in prominent places around the yard. Voodoo spells to curse any violators. Habanero powder carefully placed on all stems and leaves. Security camera and sign that instructs them to smile while they're caught. Calling off work and lying in wait - preferably with a weapon or vicious dog.

In reality I need to put up that fence around the front we've been talking about.
How many more attacks can my garden take? I hope not many.
I hate thieves, especially underage ones since I can't prosecute them - although they ARE less likely to carry guns in this neighborhood.

I am open for suggestions at this point.

On that note I'll leave you with a link to one of the funniest posts I've run across this week.

crazy human

Dog or God? Evian or Naive?

2006-04-19T21:52:00.000-05:00

Top ten signs you are a Fundamentalist Christian:

10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.

7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!

6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.

4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."

3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.

2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.

Hooray for Cassie and Dilaram

2006-04-12T12:37:00.000-05:00

Here's another list about jobs and stuff. Cassie, as you see, you're on there, but who is working the number one job?
Dilaram, my partner, boyfriend, fiancee and protagonist of my love life.

http://money.cnn.com/magazines/moneymag/bestjobs/top50/index.html

Stupid link isn't working right.
Sadly but not suprisingly my job isn't even on this list. I like how they tell you why they chose the jobs they did.

sometimes when you get the blues there's a reason

2006-04-06T10:26:00.000-05:00

For lack of my own words:

"it only takes 6 or 8 inept political leaders
or 8 or 10 artsy-fartsy writers, composers and painters to
set the natural course of human progress
back
50 years
or more.
which may not seem like much to you
but it's over half your lifetime
during which time you're not going to be able to
hear, see, read or feel that
necessary gift of great art which
otherwise you could have experienced.
which may not seem tragic to you
but sometimes, perhaps, when you're not feeling so
good at
night or in the morning or at
noon,
maybe what you feel that's lacking is
what should be there for
you
but is not.
and I don't mean a blonde in
sheer pantyhose,
I'm talking about what gnaws at your guts
even when she's
there."

~C. Bukowski

Loose cannons, Life and Fatigue

2006-04-04T09:06:00.000-05:00

Things have been quite busy in my life lately. I'm not sure if this second job thing is going to work out. This week I work 11 hour days everyday except Thursday, and then on Saturday too. It is seriously compromising the rest of my daily life such as walking the dog, cleaning the house, eating, sleeping, etc. etc. If I could find a way to not sleep I could probably do this with ease.

On top of the time restrictions that are pinching me lately I have had a few things that have occupied my head and heart: firstly is the possibility that Dilaram and I will have to move to Chicago. Just the consideration of this hurts my head; mostly because I don't know what we'd do with the house we just bought, the other stuff would be minor in comparison. We are both quite torn because we like our house, but we don't really care if we're in St. Louis that much. In fact the upside would be that we could get out of here. I really would prefer our escape to be pointed more in the direction of the West coast though.

The other thing, that is now thankfully behind me, but has loomed over me for the past week was the discovery of lumpy things that should not be in my chest area. I have had a few tests and it was found to be non-threatening and probably just cysts. Apparently this is not so uncommon, but until you know what is wrong it is a scary thing.

I will be posting pictures soon of the yard stuff we've been doing, especially for you Cassie, I'm feeling pretty happy with how it looks overall, but need help with the backyard -that is if we stay in this house:( .

Here is the newest feature of my blog: Link 'o the Day, enjoy

Big Jesus Trashcan

Addendum:
My doctor called me today and told me that I must quit ingesting caffeine - this translates to no coffee, tea, chocolate and anything-that-gets-me-through-the-day. I don't think this will happen. I'm not sure if she was just using language that she thought would appease me but she said that what I have is benign. lumpy but not abnormal I really don't like the use of the word "disease" that does NOT put me at ease, but it seems fairly harmless, so I'm going to put my lumpy self to bed and try not to dream of a life with out coffee and chocolate.

Give us a fag, will you?

2006-03-30T11:27:00.000-06:00

At the risk of seeming like I'm turning this into a tobacco blog I wanted to say a few more things about the smoking bans that are spreading across the globe, not just our fair country. If you type in "smoking ban" in wikipedia it has a wealth of information on the subject.

A few things that I found interesting:
This article

(English: "Our Fuhrer Adolf Hitler drinks no alcohol and does not smoke.... His performance at work is incredible." (From Auf der Wacht 1937:18)
They were trying to create the Uberman based on HIM?!

I go back to my previous statement that if everyone is so fucking bothered by it, why don't they make it illegal, I mean, Prohibitionworked for alchohol, right? right?

There are many sides to every argument, I don't deny this or say that there are not valid points on each side. And someday, possibly even soon, I may be a non-smoker. This does not mean I want the government or other people who think they're first cousins to god telling me what to do with my body. If I want to put nicotine in or take babies out, this is my temple and I will decide who can worship here.

In other news, isn't this picture awesome? Someday I am going to see a total eclipse in person. This was taken in Russia around noon yesterday, most areas only saw the penumbra, which would be ok with me too.

Funny for a Monday

2006-03-27T14:51:00.000-06:00